The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions: What are they trying to tell us?

When people talk about changing their life, they are really talking about changing the quality and intensity of the emotions they consistently experience. There are certain emotional states that we are driven towards and certain emotional states that we are driven away from.

Emotions give us insight into where we are incongruent in our values, beliefs, and unresolved significant emotional events. The outcome of any coaching or intervention process is to ease emotional conflict within a person and increase wholeness by attaching new more empowering meanings to their experiences. That increases choice and wholeness within a person.

Here are the Top Ten Disempowering Emotions that people experience and the message they convey:

 

1. Discomfort:

Message: When you feel bothered, impatient, bored, or irritated, this emotion is telling you that you can be more than who you currently are.

Solution: Need to change your emotional state, get clear on what you want, and take an immediate action to achieve/experience something new.

 

2. Fear

Message: When you feel concern, apprehension, worry or terror, this emotion is telling you that something is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for. This emotion gives you massive energy to prepare for the unforeseen.

Solution: Identify what is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for, find a new solution and take action to confront and walk through the fear.

 

3. Pain

Message: When you feel a sense of loss or if means that an expectation has not been met. This is an important indicator that shows the depth of your caring about yourself of another individual/situation.

Solution: Identify if the expectation is still valid and useful. Is it your responsibility or someone else’s for the emotion of the moment? Identify what is within your direct control and influence to support the other person or yourself through the moment, adjust expectations for the future.

 

4. Anger

Message: When you feel irritated, angry, resentful, furious, livid, enraged, (usually from hurt) it is a fire and depth of emotional energy to make things right. It means that a standard that you have is not being met by yourself or others.

Solution: Use this deep intense energy to adjust your standards for yourself or others and take an immediate action to move towards resolution to the challenge or issue.

 

5. Frustration

Message: You keep trying the same thing to achieve your dreams/goals and it is not working.

Solution: Stay focused on your outcomes and change your approach. Try doing the exact opposite of what you are currently trying to get a different result.

 

6. Disappointment

Message: It shows the depth of your caring you feel towards the person/situation and the high standards that you have set.

Solution: Change your expectation, adjust the time frames on the goals or things that you want to have/experience and remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials. That old saying, “there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable time frames attached to them sometimes,” could be applicable.

 

7. Guilt/Regret

Message: You violated a standard or belief that your hold true for yourself and you are not following through on what you know is best for you

Solution: Clean up your act! Step forward and do what you know is right and true for you independent of what others may think is “best for you” or “what you can or cannot do”

 

8. Inadequacy / Self Doubt

Message: You feel less that worthy, your own value and worth is low

Solution: Use this emotion to set outcomes for you to learn, grow, and contribute to others.

 

9. Overwhelm/Overload

Message: You are feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed because events are controlling you instead of you controlling events

Solution: Reevaluate what is truly important to you in life, distinguish between Must’s, Should’s and Want’s, then take action.

 

10. Loneliness

Message: Feeling alone and separate from others and you need a new form of connection

Solution: Find inside yourself a way to reconnect or look outside of yourself to your friends, family, peers, and groups to help those more in need.

 

These Top Ten Disempowering Emotions are calls to take action and unlocks more in life. With the understanding of the Message that they are trying to tell us and the Solution on how to work through them, life becomes easier and easier. You will always continue to experience these Top Ten Emotions in your life. A new paradigm of measuring success comes from decreasing the amount of time that it takes to understand the Message, find a new solution, and take action to move through them every time you feel them.

When you work through your emotional states you begin to control your life instead of your life controlling you. That’s personal power!

Are You In Control of Your Emotions or Are Your Emotions in Control of You?

We control our emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!We continually experience both positive and negative emotions. We finish a job or task at work and feel a great sense of accomplishment afterwards, or we walk down the street, remember a particular event and immediately experience sadness at the memory.

The question is, do you have a choice about how you feel?

In a word –yes!

We control our emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!

By CHOOSING to take a specific action, we CHOOSE the meaning of the event.

For example, by choosing to go out walking this morning, I chose that walking would allow me to feel happy, energetic, alive and vibrant. A different person may choose to go walking and decide it meant pain, suffering, and frustration. At the same time, there will always be external events that will trigger unresolved emotional issues from the past. These unresolved issues grow over time and get larger and larger and larger. Negative emotional states are positive because they tell us where our emotions and rational thoughts are in conflict.

Our emotional states are in a constant tug of war. People work to have more positive intense emotional states (happiness, love, success) while negative emotional states (frustration, overwhelm, sadness) keep popping up out of nowhere, seemingly out of control.

In creating more positive emotional states keep in mind that MOTION CREATES EMOTION. When you engage your mind and your body, positive things happen! My personal drug of choice: Endorphins! So, put on those great songs, sing at the top of your lungs, be outrageous in your own way, move your body and create a stronger you with more physical movement.

 

So, how can you turn loss into gain, pain into pleasure?

Put an empowering meaning to it!:

1- Identify the negative emotion you are feeling (anger, frustration, sadness, etc.)

2- Ask yourself: “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly?” (Thank you to Tad James for the amazing question!) “What other meaning could I attach to that event?”

3- Take action: Taking action is key! Once you understand the meaning and what there is to learn from it, CHOOSE TO TAKE AN IMMEDIATE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT that will allow the more positive feelings to come out! At that point, most people resist changing their behavior because it is easier to stay in a negative emotional pattern. But the key to success is in choosing a new action and meaning, in order to break through the problem and let go of the negative emotion.

4- Celebrate your new meaning and action to anchor in the new state!

 

One of the greatest gifts we have in life is to choose what meaning to attach to the events that shape our lives. How you choose to label an experience and the meaning you attach to it will directly impact the quality of your emotional health and life. You control your emotional states.

 

Valentine’s Day Coaching Tip…

Want to get more Love & Connection this Valentine’s Day? Here are 5 Ways that people “LOVE” to be Loved. (and a few other goodies along the way)

Gary Chapman wrote a great book many years ago called “The 5 Love Languages.” His theory is that people can experience love in 5 general ways. Everyone has a natural priority for the 5 ways. The challenge we face is that we tend to love people in our preferred ways instead of theirs. So, as we go through the 5 ways, ask yourself first, “What are the ways I love to be loved?” Then ask, “How does my significant other love to be loved?”

1. TIME: Time people just love to be in the same room, house or shared space. They just like hanging out around you and spending time together.

2. TOUCH: Any touch will do; a hug, kiss, (or more), anything that is skin to skin. They just need and love your touch.

3. TELL: Any written or verbal affirmation of your undying devotion is always loved. Even text, email, telegram, anything that is auditory or writing will light their fire!

4. Buying THINGS: Material gifts and possessions are the way to go. Doesn’t have to be the diamond tennis bracelet. It could just be that special something for a dollar. Buying them gifts are great!

5. Doing THINGS: Any act of service will do for these people. Clean the house, take out the trash, clean up that honey do list, fill the car with gas, or just be their love servant for the day and ‘Do’ for them!

One last suggestion…make sure there is a personal touch to anything and everything that you do for your loved one this Valentine’s Day. More than anything, they want to know that you took the time to cherish them, show they are special to you. As long as it comes from you and your heart…Rock their world with it!

Last, a Coaching Challenge…remember that Valentine’s Day can come more than once a year when Hallmark says that it’s expected. Guys, stock up on some cards and drop one in her car in July when she is taking the kids to the pool. I always cruise the 50% OFF shelves and stock up for a few times during the next year to have my own Valentine’s Day! To heck with Hallmark, I march to the beat of my own drum!

To your continued success,

James

Why you can’t tap into your motivation…

Did you ever say to yourself, “I know what I need to do, I just am not doing it?” As a result, that book isn’t written, that vacation isn’t taken, that report isn’t done on time and the scale shows a number that depresses you.

The Cause of lack of Motivation…No Purpose.

The Key to tapping into Massive Motivation comes from taking your purpose in life and linking it to every action that you take during the day. The process to create those links are as follows.

1. Associate and recall your Purpose. Remember, a purposeful person works in every moment to build and create an emotional expression of themselves internally and externally that will influence and inspire others to do the same. Ask yourself every moment of the day, “Is this action right now purposeful in building and creating the person I want to become and the life I want to have?”

2. Associate into the Emotional ‘Why’ of your Purpose. After Purpose is engaged, a person MUST work to integrate the emotional component, or fully associate into it, what they are working to build and create. If your Purpose is to build and create an incredible level of physical health, associating into what you will feel as a result; the energy, vibrancy, power, strength and confidence if essential. Where purpose and emotion are joined together, a tremendous force and energy is created.

3. This tremendous force then needs an outlet. It needs to be consciously directed into an action that is congruent in moving a person forward in what they are building and creating. It really doesn’t matter how big or small the action is. What matters is that it is congruent in the short and long term, in moving the person one step closer to the successful completion of their purpose. At this point, taking action is very easy. Motivation has kicked in full force.

4. Appreciate the results no matter how BIG or small. Most people fall short of their goals because they don’t remember that cause and effect are instantaneous. All they see is the gap between the small step and the HUGE lottery win they want to have. So, they give up in frustration and think nothing has happened. You never see the change in a person eating one extra pat of butter a day in their diet. However, at the end of the year, they would be 2 pounds heavier. Everything, big or small ads up! A person must trust and have faith in their purposeful actions generating results.

So, if you are wondering, “how can I get more motivated? How can I be more fulfilled and happy in my life? How can I be self directed and self driven?” Here is the magic question. Ask it frequent and often!

“Is this action right now purposeful in building and creating the person I want to become and the life I want to have?”

If the answer is yes, it passed the test. Take the action and the next and the next.

If that answer is no, let it go! Refocus and ask a new question, “What can I do right now to continue to build and create the person I want to become and the life I want to have? What is purposeful for me right now to accomplish in my work? What is purposeful right now for me in terms of health, my relationships?” Remember to associate into the ‘WHY’ you want to build and create…for energy, love, confidence, etc. and celebrate your results.

You will find yourself saying, “I know what I need to do and I’m motivated to do it!”

To your continued success,

James

PS-Looking for define your purpose? Check out www.30DaysforSuccess.com It’s all in there waiting for you to discover, now!

Hurry…it’s almost February already…time to focus!

WOW…it’s already almost February and how productive have you been in achieving  your goals? If you are like most people, the power to focus is something that is a real challenge!

So, how does a person stay away from procrastination and fear based doubt? Mastering one simple saying is all that it takes for you to have the next 11 months be the best ever. Here it is…

Where your focus goes, Your energy Flows, and Whether it is positive or negative, that is what Expands and grows.

Sound to simple or good to be true? It isn’t. Most people fail to realize that it is the small, seemingly inconsequential actions that actually ensure success. Most people quote that it took Edison over 1,000 times to create the light bulb. However, what allowed him to persevere throughout those many attempts?

I find it interesting to note that no one talks about how he would have had to laboriously set up, perform and record every attempt to prevent duplication? What was the filing system he used? How did he stay organized? How did he make sure that nothing was ever duplicated? How was he able to perform each experiment one by one, focused and intentional.

If you want to master any task to create amazing results, fighting through frustration and distraction is key. Keeping your focus and energy going into a single minded endeavor, keeping a positive outlook and repeating as needed until completion is what Mastery is all about.

Edison had in his lab the following quote by Sir Joshua Reynolds, “There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking.” Distraction, immediate gratification and lack of focus destroy success and achievement.

Just for fun, how many times have you strayed from this article, if you have read this far? Building intense focus and single minded purpose is a learnable skill. Review your goals. Take a single, simple action everyday to move towards completing them. Rewrite your goals in the evening. Write out your action plan for the next day. Measure, monitor and reinforce every attempt to succeed. Feed yourself positive thoughts, focus on your goals 24/7, feed them, and act on them again and again and again. Take small simple steps everyday. Your future starts now, today.

To your continued success,

James

If you having challenges with focus and procrastination, sign up now for 30-Dyas for Success. Master the Simple Solution to focus and achieve today. www.30DaysforSuccess.com

Happiness Project App Announcement

HAPPINESS! Could you use a little more of it in your world?

In an article by Rob Silverblatt, “The Science of Workplace Happiness,” April 14, 2010, “a recent study…indicated that just 45 percent of American workers are “satisfied” with their jobs” and “the lackluster economy has put a damper on upward and even lateral movement, leaving many workers feeling trapped in their current positions.”

WOW, that means that an estimated 55% of the American workplace just aren’t happy. In addition, the one key step that is needed for happiness, “the ability to be purposeful, grow, and achieve” is missing in the workplace today.

What is a person to do?

Well, there is a solution and it doesn’t entail quitting your job. Take a look at this new app that I have the pleasure of being a part of. It specifically addresses the Happiness Factor.

The “I Am Happy Project” is launching a mobile app called the “Happy Button” to help users improve their health, relationships, work and life by boosting their happiness. The app is free and will be available for download on October 1 at www.iamhappyproject.org and on Apple iTunes.

The Happy Button App has several functions to help users boost happiness:

  • A daily inspirational message to boost their happiness level.
  • Video messages about happiness from experienced life and business coaches.
  • Audio messages about happiness from experienced life and business coaches.
  • Blog posts about achieving happiness written by life and career coaches.
  • A simple question to measure where you fall on the happiness scale for the day.
  • Your average daily, weekly and monthly happiness measure.

I decided to be part of this project because after working with people for over 14 years, it amazed me how people value achievement, learning, growth, and prosperity but many times forget to add Happiness to the list. When I was contacted by Edwin about the Happiness Project, it resonated with me personally. In today’s world, there is a huge undercurrent of uncertainty and fear. Happiness is a lifeline for people struggling with career changes, financial stress and lack of a clear future. The purpose of this app is to help people work and live happily achieving with less stress, frustration, and anxiety, both at home and in the workplace.

 The app will be available for download through the Apple App Store and Google Play Store as of October 1 and later on Blackberry and Windows phones.  

About the I Am Happy Project: The I Am Happy Project is a non-profit organization with the mission of spreading happiness globally, one person at a time. In early 2009, Edwin Edebiri set out to shift people’s minds to happiness from the gloom and doom that dominates the news. The nonprofit is having an impact on our communities around the world, from Davis, California, to Chicago, Illinois, to orphanage homes in New Delhi, India and Benin City, Nigeria. I Am Happy Project groups are in 63 cities and 18 nations, representing every continent.

Join the Happiness Movement today and I look forward to hearing your feedback!

To your continued Happiness,

James

Need more happiness in your life? Call for a “Success-Now” Session and Change your happiness levels!  (919) 792-0085

Happiness: 3 Simple Steps

3 Secrets to Happiness

Do you remember that great book you once read? It seemed kind of long when you picked it up but as you read the first page there was anticipation, excitement, and desire to find out what was going to happen?

And like most books, it started slow as the characters developed. But, the plot thickened and it got more and more exciting and it started to go by faster and faster. Until finally, the ending was in sight and you couldn’t put it down, time stood still and you voraciously relished every last word to the very end.

Life is like a good book for the “Happy Person.”

There are three steps to achieve happiness.

1. A Happy Person has a long term vision, mission, or purpose for life that is achievable. In essence, they begin with the end in mind. Knowing what your purpose is and where you are going in life has many benefits.  First, it allows a person to relax and not get stressed because they “aren’t where they are supposed to be yet.” Mission and purpose allow positive emotional states like peace and relaxation to be present when a person focuses on their long term purpose. Second, in the face of obstacles, they have all the time in the world to find solutions because they have confidence, knowing they are on the right path and doing the right things.

2. While keeping their purpose in mind, A Happy Person chunks down their goals into small measureable actions that are easily attainable. At first, learning to tie your shoes is a laborious process. You have to bend down, get the laces, work through each single step to get the knot right. A happy person can focus on one small step at a time because they are very present in the moment. They are “Happily learning” each small step of the process because they know it is their mission and purpose to learn to tie their shoes. There is anticipation, curiosity, and excitement in discovering the joys of working towards their goals.

3. Chunking down goals into small attainable moments, a Happy Person can anchor in positive and inspiring thoughts, feelings and emotions to “living and learning.” Each and every moment becomes a joy. Just like at the end of the book. Momentum grows exponentially as happy people experience success in every moment of the day. Smiles and happiness are infectious and move the world.

BONUS STEP: More Happiness Now!

Go for a walk and ask yourself these questions 3-5 minutes a piece in this order. This exercise should take about 3-15 minutes. Let you mind answer the question each time before asking the question again.

1. When have I been Happy in the past? (3-5 min)

2. How do I know I am feeling Happy now? (3-5 min)

3. How am I going to continue to be Happy throughout the rest of the day? Tomorrow? Next week? Next Month?  (3-5 min…future pace out this question, ie  day, tomorrow, next week, month, etc)

When would NOW be a good time to continue to be Happy?

Your life is one great story. Write your own book of happiness, achievement and success. Happiness is contagious and so are smiles. Wear yours proudly!

To your continued Happiness, James

Anyone you know UNHAPPY with their life? Have them call to set up their “Success-Now” session at (919) 792-0085.

 

Your $$ Stress STOPS…3 Wealth Principles to Freedom!

“Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.” ~Earl Wilson: American journalist & author

Next week is going to be Financial Week on the Evolution for Success Coaching Blog. There are 3-Simple aspects of money and next M-W-F, we will explore each one seperately. Mastery of these 3 Financial Principles will make you rich and wealthy beyond your dreams.

Most people today are living with an underlying fear of either losing their job, not having enough for retirement, or some heightened level of stress due to financial uncertainty. It is pervasive at every level of our society: from the overall US economy, to the individual state governments, to businesses offering less and less incentives along with higer workloads, to the individual families working to put food on the table.

Application and Mastery of these tools will allow you to have all you desire in life.

You can put the food on your table each week and create a secure financial blanket to wrap up in every night and sleep soundly free of stress. This will help to change the community, whichever state you currently live in and help to return this nation to freedom.

Email me at the end of the week to receive your synopsis of the principles and how YOU can put them into action to create unlimited motivation, dedication and commitment to a new financial future.

Tune in next week…you will be surprised with these rich fundamentals.

To your continued success,

James

How to manage time…1 Simple Solution

Over the weekend a friend asked how business was going and I heard myself say, “I need the world to stop for 4 months so I can get everything done I want to…and then have it re-engage.” I got to thinking about what I said later that evening and I realized if that was truly the case…I wasn’t managing time effectively at all. How does an entrepreneur/CEO/Executive manage time better? Here is one simple solution…

First, accept the fact that you can not manage time. It isn’t time that needs to be managed but your mental focus and actions. A persons mental focus will always be in one of three places at any given time. the past, present or future and each one has a definitive purpose.

Looking back to the past allows us to reflect on successes and failures (which are just opportunities to learn). Understanding the successes and failures of the past allows a person to take useful strategies forward and find new ways to use and apply them. It also allows us to identify negative actions and behaviors and reframe them into positive “learnings” so any negative emotions disappear and new possibilities for how a person “could choose” to do things differently in the future are uncovered.

Focusing on the Future is crucial because it allows a person to focus on one of the greatest human needs…becoming more. If we are not growing we are dying, it is a fundamental law of nature. The challenge is that some people focus on growing more that is positive and some people get into the trap of growing more of what they don’t want. A positive future opens the door to possiblities, growth, and “more” of life. The negative future, signalled by statements like “I don’t know or want…” only perpetuates negativity, scarcity and disempowering emotions.

And last place your focus can be is in the present, being immersed in the exact action, thought, belief and feeling right NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW. The present is the hardest to focus on because the mind is constantly pulled between the past and future.

THE SIMPLE SOLUTION…HERE IT IS!

Future—Past—Present

Focus on exactly what you want in the future…(not what you don’t want, but what you do)
Think about what tools, strategies and resources you need to be creative, industrious and solution oriented FROM THE PAST
Combine both into ACTION NOW in the PRESENT clear of any distractions.

Oh yeah, celebrate your success from doing something different today! When applied consistently, you will find yourself more motivated, inspired, fearless, and results will start to show!

If you find yourself lacking focus, a fearless attitude, or clear direction forward…call today for your “Success-Now!” Session. (919) 792-0085.

In the month of August, email me at james@evolutionforsuccess.com with the word 30-Day Challenge. I will send you a 30-Day Success Sheet and two complimentary 15-minute checkin’s, personally with me, as my way of saying thank you for your support over the years!

To your continued success,

James

Venice: From Pain to Possibility to Prosperity…

Where is there PAIN in your life Right Now?

Most people will do almost anything to avoid it. How many times have you swept those deep feelings back under the rug. However, Pain can lead to Possibility which can lead to Prosperity. Venice, once the wealthiest city in the world is a testament to that ideology.

As Attila’s huns surged through Northern Italy raping and pillaging the Roman Empire, many refugees sought protection on the 118 deserted and desolate swampy islands of the Adriatic Sea. Even though the land was over 2.5 miles from shore and not able to support trades like agriculture; creativity and human ingenuity eventually took over.

Fast forward a few generation and Venice was born. With a newly develop transportation system of over 200 canals and 400 bridges it was a hub for world trade, power, and riches from all over the globe.

Pain in life is not something to be avoided, there is power and energy in it. The key is to take that power and energy and convert it to good use. Use that energy to build and create something better for yourself and others. There is true POWER in that ability.

Every great person in history, every movie ever made, begins in pain. Look at every Disney movie made, the opening scene usually has a parent dying or some tragedy. Pain is not to be shoved away into the dark recesses of our mind and body never to see the light of day. It is to be harnessed to build, create, inspire and give back to others in some way shape or form. You too, can move from Pain to Possibility to Prosperity and make a difference in the world!

If you need support with the transitioning Pain to Possibility to Prosperity in your business, Evolution for Success Executive Coaching can help. Call today for your personal one-on-one “Success Now” session.
(919) 792-0085

Or, if you know someone in Pain, a referral is the greatest gift you can every give.

Can you pass the “Egostistical Business Card” Test? You could be losing money as you read this, right now!

I am sitting here staring at about 1,000 business cards on my desk and 99.9% of them are what I call “ego” cards. What is an “ego” card? They all have these four traits in common…

1. A nice logo of some sort that the owner of the business card probably loves, (I love mine).
2. The name, title, and contact information of the person I should be contacting.
3. A nice picture of the person who gave me the business card.
4. As a bonus, I even get a nice little slogan or saying.

So, what do those 4 components do for me as a business owner looking to grow my business? NOTHING! I have been looking through the cards all morning and with some of them, I don’t even know what service the business provides. But, I bet they make the person handing out the card feel really good!

ANY business card that doesn’t answer WIIFM (What’s in it for me?) in an EMOTIONAL way, I consider an “ego” card. It’s not beneficial for the prospect, but the person handing it out probably feels pretty good about it!

Take out your business card and ask the following questions:

1. If this sat on a perspective clients desk for a month, would they know what service I provide?
2. Would the client be able to answer “WIIFM?” (What’s In It For Me?)
3. Is there anything on the card that would EMOTIONALLY motivate the person to contact me?
4. Is there anything on the card that tells what problem I solve for their business?
5. What makes me stand out emotionally from all the rest of the… (same owners of my business, i.e. realtors, coaches, etc.)?

They say in marketing that only 7% of the people you meet are ready for your product/service right now. That leaves an interesting question. As a business owner, “How do you keep in front of the 93% so they understand your services and are MOTIVATED to call AND BUY your services when they become part of the 7%?”

Answer: Make an emotional impact by revitalizing your business card wtih your Unique Selling Proposition. This is the number one marketing mistake that most small business owners make. It is a simple, effective and often overlooked critical business tool.

If you need some support to create a new compelling and dynamic busienss card to generate more leads, have people remember you and keep your phone ringing, take a look at my new website.

www.businessmarketingforsuccess.com

Sign up and you will also learn the second and third most overlooked marketing strategies that could be costing you thousands of dollars in revenue.

To your continued $uccess,

James

Happiness Formula Revealed…

If you are looking for the magic formula for more “HAPPINESS,” look no further. Like all new ways of thinking and believing, they stick around longer when they are anchored into our neurology. Take this 31 day Happiness Challenge everyday in July and see how your life changes in the next month. Here are the steps:

1. Journal:
A. List three problems that you are thankful for (the reasons you are thankful must be to remind you something you know you are in the core of your being or what there is to learn from the problem, the learning of which will empower you with a new belief that will better you. Example, “I am thankful that I am scared to death of making these business cold calls this week because it will help be breakthrough my fear of being good enough, overcome caring so much about what other people think of me, and allow my business to go the next level by brining in clients and revenue so that I can take another vacation and help another person change their life)
B. Journal any other thoughts, ideas or concepts worth nothing and thank your unconscious mind for giving you those ideas and insights (regardless of if they are negative or positive)

2. Exercise: Put some form of physical movement in your day. A minimum of 20-minutes out in the sun for some vitamin D. Anything to get some additional oxygen to your mind and body, get your lymph system going and get those natural feel good drugs released (as my daughter says, “get those ‘indoor-friends’ moving” (endorphins)

3. Meditation: Meditation is proven to support a healthier immune system, relaxation and stress release. To get in the habit I suggest just meditating to your favorite song without words. Or, sit in your car before or after work for as little as just two minutes and clear your mind, practice turning off your brain.

4. Perform one meaningful, random act of kindness. It has to be meaningful which means it involves something that is emotional. An example, everytime I take my kids to McD’s, I ALWAYS put my change and a few dollars in the Ronald McDonald box because I know what they did for one of my clients who they supported when his son needed a brain operation. It immediately fills my heart with thankfulness and I think of the families in need who will have kids in similiar situations and all the good it will do for them.

Feelings need to be cultivated. They need to be cared for, watered, nurtured and supported so they can grow and produce fruit! Try this challenge for 31-days with me and see how it changes your life.

TO your continued success,

James

PS-Email me at James@evolutionforsuccess with the word “Happiness” in the subject line and I will gladly send you a daily “Happiness” form you can use for the month of July.

You have problems, compared to what…?

Bad Monday

Are you having a bad day? I thought I was one day last week. I was going to be late for an appointment and I was really frustrated since being late is one of my pet peeves. My frustration level grew as I turned off the highway and my forward progress came to a screeching halt. In front of me was an accident and a long line of backed up cars. As I took the detour in front of me, I snapped the picture you see in the post above. An interesting thing happened as I drove past this accident. Somehow, seeing the plight of this truck driver, putting myself in his shoes, and thinking about the phone call he was going to have to make to his boss put my problem (frustrated by being 10 minutes late) into perspective.

One of the greatest questions I ask clients when they are frustrated and angry at a problem in life is, “OK, its bad, but compared to what?” As human beings, it is easy to get wrapped up in OUR life, OUR problems, OUR perspectives, and OUR beliefs. To jumpstart the process of getting a person out of their OWN way so they can work to a solution, just ask, “Compared to what?” When we shift our attention to the plight of others, the challenges of others, the life circumstances of others (that we can relate too) it helps to put things into a different perspective. When you can shift your “referential index,” how you are referring to something, with a different perspective, it lessens the emotional impact so you can think more clear and see the opportunities to think or do something different.

It is not to be used as a justification for NOT doing something different but a means of getting unstuckk so you can find a new solution and take action to achieve a different outcome. Next time you are stuck and think something in your life really stinks…just state the problem and then ask yourself, “Ok, this stinks but compared to what?” So you thought you were having a bad day, compared to what?

In the end, my ten minutes late was nothing compared to the delays this driver faced, his boss faced, and their clients and their customers may have faced. It’s good to keep life in perspective.

If you are feeling stuck and frustrated with your job, career, relationships or finances…CALL today to schedule your Introductory Strategy Session to start moving forward again. (919) 792-0085

To your continued success,

James

Dealing With Negative Emotions: 3 Solutions to Keep Your Word

Dealing with negative emotions is a universal experience.  In last week’s blog post, I wrote that,

“…you will always have to overcome some combination of the following challenging emotional states to keep your word: fatigue, discouragement, loneliness, overwhelm, doubt, nervousness, humiliation, frustration, resentment, powerlessness, anger,  feeling inadequate or imcompetent, and even jealousy of others.

The power of self-confidence and keeping your word is learning to embrace these emotional states as they come up, and accept them as appropriate and warranted given the goal that you are pursuing. If you stop trying to run away from these negative emotions,  you are already half way towards the successful completion of your goal. The power comes through pushing through those disempowering states. Even better, get excited about them! Anticipate these emotions and welcome them as part of a natural component on your path to victory.”

Here are three powerful ways to learn to embrace these negative emotions and use them to your advantage.

1-  Learn to love them.

My wife and I both love to spend time together and feel grateful that I work from home. When she goes to Paris to see her family or on her yearly girls beach trip, I go into single parent mode. One way I have been able to deal with the frustration, overwhelm and tiredness when she is away to adopt the belief that, “I love missing her.” Focusing on the positive side of missing her reminds me of why I love being with her on a day to day basis. This leads me to positive thoughts and memories and my mood changes for the better.  Very often you can take a disempowering emotion, and turn it upside down by giving it a new meaning.  That new association can then help you move past the moment and discomfort.

2-  Journal the answer to this question,

“what is there to learn from this feeling of ___________, the learning of which, will allow me to let go of it, easily and effortlessly?”

There is a reason “why” we feel disempowering emotional states but most of the time we don’t stop to ask ourselves “why.” I like to say that disempowering emotional states are indicators of where we are incongruent between our head and heart. Clearing up the conflict between what we think and how we feel, allows us to find a new belief and action to take that are more congruent.

3-  Focus on what you want to create.

Shifting your focus to “creating what you want to have” will often times push disempowering emotional states away. If you shift your focus to what you want to create by taking an action, your focus will shift to a more empowering place. If you have a hard time exercising, shift your focus to what you want to create by exercising; an energetic, healthy, vibrant body where you feel good about yourself. If you are pushing back on your taxes, shift your focus to what you want to create by completing them; a new financial future where you manage your money responsibly and reap the rewards for it. Shifting your thoughts away from what you’re feeling in the moment towards what you want to create in the future will help you work through disempowering emotions.

What are some of your strategies for dealing with negative emotions and moving forward through adversity?  Please comment below!

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)

 

And Confusion is a Good Thing because….?

Have you ever been confused? At a seminar once upon a time, a larger than life character told me that being confused is definitely cause for celebration. The idea being that when someone is confused, that’s the precursor to learning something new.

Simply said, nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning we attach to it.  If you can change or start a belief in a heartbeat, how does it work?  The answer is simple: We naturally learn by taking a new experience and linking it up to a previous experience.  The brain cells that fire together, wire together. And they wire together with emotion and feeling.

So, if we want to stop a pattern of unhealthy thinking, putting ourselves in a new highly emotional state of confusion is healthy, IF in those moments we consciously attach a new meaning to an old pattern.

For instance, in 1999 when I went through my coaches training with Mr. Larger than Life, we showed up one morning all expecting to have a day of classroom instruction. Instead we were directed to a van and told we were off to an “experience”!

Thirty minutes later, as we pulled into the skydiving place, people got confused. Thoughts ran through everyone’s mind: This was not the training day we were supposed to have; OMG we have to jump out of a plane?!?; OMG the fear; OMG the panic; OMG the anxiety; OMG the CONFUSION and OMG I AM GOING TO DIE!! People were frantically trying to reason out the situation and decipher what it meant for them because they did not automatically have a past frame of reference to link it to!

While most were in a state of confusion, I was feeling something different! You see, I had a past frame of reference from being in the US Army. I had already experienced their moment of panic, fear and confusion when I went through US Army Airborne School.  And in my moment of panic, fear and confusion jumping out the door at only 1,200 feet, I anchored in the new belief that, if I live through this, I can do anything! And, I had those brain cells fire together and wire together over the next 4 jumps. So, when we had to jump out of the plane in tandem with a 12,000 foot free fall and plenty of time to react to any issues, I was not fearful, but positively excited! I knew, “I could handle anything!”

The great thing was, at the day’s end, everyone wanted to go up again and experience skydiving without a tandem instructor and go solo! And, we had all bonded and participated in a life event that brought us all closer together!

Ultimately, skydiving a second time was not to be. Mr. Larger than Life had something better in store for us. At the end of the next day of training, at about 10pm, instead of going home, we were stretched again.

The instructions were simple: empty all of your pockets and give us everything except your drivers’ license. Take this small bag that contains fifty cents, an emergency number to call, pocket camera for proof, a small pack of almonds as our gift to you. Men have to go alone, women in groups of two and you have 15 hours to get from San Diego to Los Angeles and back again using nothing but your coaching skills and your ability to add value to others. “If you are not back by 5pm Sunday, you fail the course!”

Let me just say, while some were excited, I was not.  This was my moment of  “OMG to LA and back on a Sunday night, alone?, OMG the fear, OMG the panic, OMG the anxiety, OMG the CONFUSION and OMG I AM GOING TO DIE!!

How do you think it ended? That’s a Thought of the Week for another time. Or, do you know the ending already?  Successful people thrive on OMG moments!

What are your OMG moments that have shaped your success…I would LOVE to know them! Comment below!

 

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)