The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions: What are they trying to tell us?

When people talk about changing their life, they are really talking about changing the quality and intensity of the emotions they consistently experience. There are certain emotional states that we are driven towards and certain emotional states that we are driven away from.

Emotions give us insight into where we are incongruent in our values, beliefs, and unresolved significant emotional events. The outcome of any coaching or intervention process is to ease emotional conflict within a person and increase wholeness by attaching new more empowering meanings to their experiences. That increases choice and wholeness within a person.

Here are the Top Ten Disempowering Emotions that people experience and the message they convey:

 

1. Discomfort:

Message: When you feel bothered, impatient, bored, or irritated, this emotion is telling you that you can be more than who you currently are.

Solution: Need to change your emotional state, get clear on what you want, and take an immediate action to achieve/experience something new.

 

2. Fear

Message: When you feel concern, apprehension, worry or terror, this emotion is telling you that something is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for. This emotion gives you massive energy to prepare for the unforeseen.

Solution: Identify what is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for, find a new solution and take action to confront and walk through the fear.

 

3. Pain

Message: When you feel a sense of loss or if means that an expectation has not been met. This is an important indicator that shows the depth of your caring about yourself of another individual/situation.

Solution: Identify if the expectation is still valid and useful. Is it your responsibility or someone else’s for the emotion of the moment? Identify what is within your direct control and influence to support the other person or yourself through the moment, adjust expectations for the future.

 

4. Anger

Message: When you feel irritated, angry, resentful, furious, livid, enraged, (usually from hurt) it is a fire and depth of emotional energy to make things right. It means that a standard that you have is not being met by yourself or others.

Solution: Use this deep intense energy to adjust your standards for yourself or others and take an immediate action to move towards resolution to the challenge or issue.

 

5. Frustration

Message: You keep trying the same thing to achieve your dreams/goals and it is not working.

Solution: Stay focused on your outcomes and change your approach. Try doing the exact opposite of what you are currently trying to get a different result.

 

6. Disappointment

Message: It shows the depth of your caring you feel towards the person/situation and the high standards that you have set.

Solution: Change your expectation, adjust the time frames on the goals or things that you want to have/experience and remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials. That old saying, “there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable time frames attached to them sometimes,” could be applicable.

 

7. Guilt/Regret

Message: You violated a standard or belief that your hold true for yourself and you are not following through on what you know is best for you

Solution: Clean up your act! Step forward and do what you know is right and true for you independent of what others may think is “best for you” or “what you can or cannot do”

 

8. Inadequacy / Self Doubt

Message: You feel less that worthy, your own value and worth is low

Solution: Use this emotion to set outcomes for you to learn, grow, and contribute to others.

 

9. Overwhelm/Overload

Message: You are feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed because events are controlling you instead of you controlling events

Solution: Reevaluate what is truly important to you in life, distinguish between Must’s, Should’s and Want’s, then take action.

 

10. Loneliness

Message: Feeling alone and separate from others and you need a new form of connection

Solution: Find inside yourself a way to reconnect or look outside of yourself to your friends, family, peers, and groups to help those more in need.

 

These Top Ten Disempowering Emotions are calls to take action and unlocks more in life. With the understanding of the Message that they are trying to tell us and the Solution on how to work through them, life becomes easier and easier. You will always continue to experience these Top Ten Emotions in your life. A new paradigm of measuring success comes from decreasing the amount of time that it takes to understand the Message, find a new solution, and take action to move through them every time you feel them.

When you work through your emotional states you begin to control your life instead of your life controlling you. That’s personal power!

Make the most out of motivational seminars

You might be wasting your money on motivational seminars and coaching unless you do this!

 

There is a HUGE gap in the market today between the experience you get from paying top dollar for motivational seminars from people like Tony Robbins®, The Millionaire Mind Intensives and the benefits you get from executive or personal coaching —even with top NLP trainers like Dr.’s Tad and Matt James and high priced executive coaches or life coaches.

Both have value and both have their place, but they do 2 entirely different things.

Motivational seminars and events are a ‘fish bowl’ for change. You are transported out of your current environment, place in an artificial one and ‘reprogrammed’ and then put back into your old life. Or, if you attend a powerful NLP training where you are intellectually taught NLP materials and have some simple exercises with partners, you will also create change in the ‘fishbowl’ manner.

The biggest problem is that while there may be some intense, emotional change during the event, once a person returns back home, eventually that fades away. Imagine a fish being taken out of his dirty fish bowl, put in clean water where he can finally breathe and then after a few days, is put back into the old water. Some healthy changes occurred while in the fresh water, but certainly not any long term lasting change. Using this analogy, the only way to get “healthy” is to pay to get in the clean water again for a few days somewhere in the future. Done often enough, and at close enough intervals, it’s possible to imagine that the changes might stick, but it’s impractical for most busy professionals.

Coaching can also be an effective tool and can be great to provide insight, awareness, strategies and accountability. However, the current ‘accepted’ coaching model is to never go into the past. After all, coaching isn’t therapy. The serious problem with coaching is that it only looks to create change by starting from where you are today. However, all change in behaviors happens when there is work done with the unconscious mind to clear up negative emotions and feelings from the past.

Imagine you have been writing a book called ‘your life.’ Using the traditional coaching methodologies, it’s like trying to create and write a new story in a journal that is already filled with past thoughts, stories and emotions! There is never really a clean page to start writing on. You never really start with a clean mental, emotional, physical and spiritual page in order to write something entirely new. Change can happen over the long term, but it can be laborious, take a long time and quite frustrating.

How can a person fill the gap? Go and take the seminar experience to have an emotional immersion, to have an experience of change and to learn the tools you can use back in your own ‘fishbowl.’ Then find an Executive Business Coach, like me with over 30,000 sessions who can work with you to continue having deep emotional releases AND teach you how to use the tools from the motivational seminars in your life every day! Solution for long term change solved!

My new program, Achieve Anything Now, brings all of the most powerful tools of NLP, Time Line Therapy® or Time Empowerment Techniques™ (MER mental emotional release) together in an easy monthly, weekly and daily process to release emotional issues from your past, create limitless opportunities and build powerful, results-driven, long term change into your life.

Call now for your complimentary, “Success-Now” session to see how you can, create the life of your dreams! (919) 745-7569

Are You In Control of Your Emotions or Are Your Emotions in Control of You?

We control our emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!We continually experience both positive and negative emotions. We finish a job or task at work and feel a great sense of accomplishment afterwards, or we walk down the street, remember a particular event and immediately experience sadness at the memory.

The question is, do you have a choice about how you feel?

In a word –yes!

We control our emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!

By CHOOSING to take a specific action, we CHOOSE the meaning of the event.

For example, by choosing to go out walking this morning, I chose that walking would allow me to feel happy, energetic, alive and vibrant. A different person may choose to go walking and decide it meant pain, suffering, and frustration. At the same time, there will always be external events that will trigger unresolved emotional issues from the past. These unresolved issues grow over time and get larger and larger and larger. Negative emotional states are positive because they tell us where our emotions and rational thoughts are in conflict.

Our emotional states are in a constant tug of war. People work to have more positive intense emotional states (happiness, love, success) while negative emotional states (frustration, overwhelm, sadness) keep popping up out of nowhere, seemingly out of control.

In creating more positive emotional states keep in mind that MOTION CREATES EMOTION. When you engage your mind and your body, positive things happen! My personal drug of choice: Endorphins! So, put on those great songs, sing at the top of your lungs, be outrageous in your own way, move your body and create a stronger you with more physical movement.

 

So, how can you turn loss into gain, pain into pleasure?

Put an empowering meaning to it!:

1- Identify the negative emotion you are feeling (anger, frustration, sadness, etc.)

2- Ask yourself: “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly?” (Thank you to Tad James for the amazing question!) “What other meaning could I attach to that event?”

3- Take action: Taking action is key! Once you understand the meaning and what there is to learn from it, CHOOSE TO TAKE AN IMMEDIATE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT that will allow the more positive feelings to come out! At that point, most people resist changing their behavior because it is easier to stay in a negative emotional pattern. But the key to success is in choosing a new action and meaning, in order to break through the problem and let go of the negative emotion.

4- Celebrate your new meaning and action to anchor in the new state!

 

One of the greatest gifts we have in life is to choose what meaning to attach to the events that shape our lives. How you choose to label an experience and the meaning you attach to it will directly impact the quality of your emotional health and life. You control your emotional states.

 

Why you can’t tap into your motivation…

Did you ever say to yourself, “I know what I need to do, I just am not doing it?” As a result, that book isn’t written, that vacation isn’t taken, that report isn’t done on time and the scale shows a number that depresses you.

The Cause of lack of Motivation…No Purpose.

The Key to tapping into Massive Motivation comes from taking your purpose in life and linking it to every action that you take during the day. The process to create those links are as follows.

1. Associate and recall your Purpose. Remember, a purposeful person works in every moment to build and create an emotional expression of themselves internally and externally that will influence and inspire others to do the same. Ask yourself every moment of the day, “Is this action right now purposeful in building and creating the person I want to become and the life I want to have?”

2. Associate into the Emotional ‘Why’ of your Purpose. After Purpose is engaged, a person MUST work to integrate the emotional component, or fully associate into it, what they are working to build and create. If your Purpose is to build and create an incredible level of physical health, associating into what you will feel as a result; the energy, vibrancy, power, strength and confidence if essential. Where purpose and emotion are joined together, a tremendous force and energy is created.

3. This tremendous force then needs an outlet. It needs to be consciously directed into an action that is congruent in moving a person forward in what they are building and creating. It really doesn’t matter how big or small the action is. What matters is that it is congruent in the short and long term, in moving the person one step closer to the successful completion of their purpose. At this point, taking action is very easy. Motivation has kicked in full force.

4. Appreciate the results no matter how BIG or small. Most people fall short of their goals because they don’t remember that cause and effect are instantaneous. All they see is the gap between the small step and the HUGE lottery win they want to have. So, they give up in frustration and think nothing has happened. You never see the change in a person eating one extra pat of butter a day in their diet. However, at the end of the year, they would be 2 pounds heavier. Everything, big or small ads up! A person must trust and have faith in their purposeful actions generating results.

So, if you are wondering, “how can I get more motivated? How can I be more fulfilled and happy in my life? How can I be self directed and self driven?” Here is the magic question. Ask it frequent and often!

“Is this action right now purposeful in building and creating the person I want to become and the life I want to have?”

If the answer is yes, it passed the test. Take the action and the next and the next.

If that answer is no, let it go! Refocus and ask a new question, “What can I do right now to continue to build and create the person I want to become and the life I want to have? What is purposeful for me right now to accomplish in my work? What is purposeful right now for me in terms of health, my relationships?” Remember to associate into the ‘WHY’ you want to build and create…for energy, love, confidence, etc. and celebrate your results.

You will find yourself saying, “I know what I need to do and I’m motivated to do it!”

To your continued success,

James

PS-Looking for define your purpose? Check out www.30DaysforSuccess.com It’s all in there waiting for you to discover, now!

One Minute Business Coaching Solution

Here is the One Minute Business Solution:

1. Take out a pen and paper

2. Write, RIGHT NOW, as FAST AS YOU CAN, the answer to this question:

“What do you believe about your business?”   WRITE—RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

At least one page…if you are reading this…STOP AND DO IT!

WHEW…now that you are back…I have a follow-up question:

How much of what you wrote, was about Possibility and Moving Towards Your Goals of Building and Creating? how much of what you wrote was about Necessity and Moving Away From what You Don’t Want?

Letting go of the latter, those beliefs based in Necessity and Moving Away From is your One-Minute To Success Business Solution. WHY?

Necessity and Moving Away From beliefs open the door to a scarcity driven mentality. Lack breeds Lack and the reason I asked you to write it down right away, is because what drives your success in business is not what you consciously think about but what is just below the surface in your unconscious mind.

How often have you seen the sales person go in, make a great presentation and just not ask for the order and close the deal? On the surface they may say, “I rock! Things can’t be better!” but underneath is the Necessity and Moving Away From of, “I’m afraid of rejection, I don’t know exactly what to say, I’m afraid I’m being pushy, I might lose the sale, or I don’t like it when sales people ask me to make a buying decision.”

Fear, scarcity and lack are killers of any business. Keeping track of your beliefs about yourself and your business are keys for Success. And Letting go of the Negative beliefs are critical.

Wait, I forgot to let you know HOW you can let them go and what the One Minute Solution is! With the techniques of Hypnosis, NLP and Time Line Therapy, a person can easily and permanently identify and release limiting decisions and beliefs less than One Minute. If you are interested in more clients, more leads, more cash flow in your business, call now for your Executive Business Coaching “Success-Now” Session.  Clear up the head trash that is preventing you from achieving all you desire in your business and finances.  (919) 792-0085

To your continued success,

James M Murphy

 

How to Succeed: 4 Master Steps

In the science of Neuro Linguistic Programming, (NLP), one of the fundamental skills is modeling. NLP is the study of how to be excellent at something. If someone is getting excellent results then there has to be a pattern that can be replicated for someone else to be successful too.

In looking at diets for instance, whether you are South Beach, Atkins, Paleo, Weight Watchers or any other, the same pattern for getting results stands true. Basically, the body absorbs calories in the following order: simple sugars/carbohydrates (most processes things like high fructose corn syrup, sugar, pasta, etc.), next is complex carbohydrates that come from fruits and vegetables with higher fiber content, next is fats and last is proteins.

The common pattern in all of the diets is that you cut out the first source, simple sugars/carbohydrates, and most of the second. Then, your body is trained to use fat as energy. Hence, effective reconditioning of the body use fat as its primary energy resource.

What does this have to do with self-help, motivation and living the life of your dreams?

Every successful person has followed these basic 4 Steps to Success.  Most self help program covers many, or just one, of the following 4 Steps to Success.

1. Become Definite about your Mission, Purpose, or Path in Life.

2. Release any and all negative associations that aren’t in alignment with your Mission or Purpose.

3. Create a Master Plan to build and create something that provides an emotional experience for others that will help them to create/live their purpose. Build it!

4. Make sure the Tithe, give generously to complete the circuit of energy.

Follow these four steps and success will be knocking on your door sooner rather than later.

TO your continued success,

James

If you are stuck finding your Purpose, Clearing Negative emotions, creating a Master Plan or finding a worthwhile means for tithing, call for your “Success-Now” Session.

(919) 792-0085 

How to manage time…1 Simple Solution

Over the weekend a friend asked how business was going and I heard myself say, “I need the world to stop for 4 months so I can get everything done I want to…and then have it re-engage.” I got to thinking about what I said later that evening and I realized if that was truly the case…I wasn’t managing time effectively at all. How does an entrepreneur/CEO/Executive manage time better? Here is one simple solution…

First, accept the fact that you can not manage time. It isn’t time that needs to be managed but your mental focus and actions. A persons mental focus will always be in one of three places at any given time. the past, present or future and each one has a definitive purpose.

Looking back to the past allows us to reflect on successes and failures (which are just opportunities to learn). Understanding the successes and failures of the past allows a person to take useful strategies forward and find new ways to use and apply them. It also allows us to identify negative actions and behaviors and reframe them into positive “learnings” so any negative emotions disappear and new possibilities for how a person “could choose” to do things differently in the future are uncovered.

Focusing on the Future is crucial because it allows a person to focus on one of the greatest human needs…becoming more. If we are not growing we are dying, it is a fundamental law of nature. The challenge is that some people focus on growing more that is positive and some people get into the trap of growing more of what they don’t want. A positive future opens the door to possiblities, growth, and “more” of life. The negative future, signalled by statements like “I don’t know or want…” only perpetuates negativity, scarcity and disempowering emotions.

And last place your focus can be is in the present, being immersed in the exact action, thought, belief and feeling right NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW. The present is the hardest to focus on because the mind is constantly pulled between the past and future.

THE SIMPLE SOLUTION…HERE IT IS!

Future—Past—Present

Focus on exactly what you want in the future…(not what you don’t want, but what you do)
Think about what tools, strategies and resources you need to be creative, industrious and solution oriented FROM THE PAST
Combine both into ACTION NOW in the PRESENT clear of any distractions.

Oh yeah, celebrate your success from doing something different today! When applied consistently, you will find yourself more motivated, inspired, fearless, and results will start to show!

If you find yourself lacking focus, a fearless attitude, or clear direction forward…call today for your “Success-Now!” Session. (919) 792-0085.

In the month of August, email me at james@evolutionforsuccess.com with the word 30-Day Challenge. I will send you a 30-Day Success Sheet and two complimentary 15-minute checkin’s, personally with me, as my way of saying thank you for your support over the years!

To your continued success,

James

Can you pass the “Egostistical Business Card” Test? You could be losing money as you read this, right now!

I am sitting here staring at about 1,000 business cards on my desk and 99.9% of them are what I call “ego” cards. What is an “ego” card? They all have these four traits in common…

1. A nice logo of some sort that the owner of the business card probably loves, (I love mine).
2. The name, title, and contact information of the person I should be contacting.
3. A nice picture of the person who gave me the business card.
4. As a bonus, I even get a nice little slogan or saying.

So, what do those 4 components do for me as a business owner looking to grow my business? NOTHING! I have been looking through the cards all morning and with some of them, I don’t even know what service the business provides. But, I bet they make the person handing out the card feel really good!

ANY business card that doesn’t answer WIIFM (What’s in it for me?) in an EMOTIONAL way, I consider an “ego” card. It’s not beneficial for the prospect, but the person handing it out probably feels pretty good about it!

Take out your business card and ask the following questions:

1. If this sat on a perspective clients desk for a month, would they know what service I provide?
2. Would the client be able to answer “WIIFM?” (What’s In It For Me?)
3. Is there anything on the card that would EMOTIONALLY motivate the person to contact me?
4. Is there anything on the card that tells what problem I solve for their business?
5. What makes me stand out emotionally from all the rest of the… (same owners of my business, i.e. realtors, coaches, etc.)?

They say in marketing that only 7% of the people you meet are ready for your product/service right now. That leaves an interesting question. As a business owner, “How do you keep in front of the 93% so they understand your services and are MOTIVATED to call AND BUY your services when they become part of the 7%?”

Answer: Make an emotional impact by revitalizing your business card wtih your Unique Selling Proposition. This is the number one marketing mistake that most small business owners make. It is a simple, effective and often overlooked critical business tool.

If you need some support to create a new compelling and dynamic busienss card to generate more leads, have people remember you and keep your phone ringing, take a look at my new website.

www.businessmarketingforsuccess.com

Sign up and you will also learn the second and third most overlooked marketing strategies that could be costing you thousands of dollars in revenue.

To your continued $uccess,

James

Say What??? Shake Up Your Beliefs with NLP Pattern Interrupts

Using a “Pattern Interrupt”, an NLP Technique, is a great way of initiating change in your behavior.  It creates a virtual Hiccup in your thought process so that your normal pattern of behavior is interrupted and you can consciously insert a new belief that leads to an action.

Humor is a fantastic tool to incorporate into the Pattern Interrupt because it links up a “fun” state to the new behavior you choose to take afterwards. Here are a few fun pattern interrupts that have come up with clients lately.

Belief: a “Waste not, want not” attitude in regards to food at dinner.

“You can Waste it, or Waist it, which waist do you want?”

Belief: I am too tired to get up in the morning.

“It is a simple matter of mind over mattress.”

Belief: I’ll start tomorrow, I meant to do that, or I was going to…

“When would NOW be a good time to start?”

Belief: I don’t know.

“I know I don’t know what I don’t know now, but if I did know now, what would I know to do?”

Belief:  We argue all the time.

“This is a great opportunity for discussion.”

Belief: I hate this!

“This situation is truly less that favorable!”

And my favorite:

Belief: It’s not in my job description, I shouldn’t have to do it.

“If you don’t stay sharp and on point, like the tip of a spear, all you get in the end is the shaft.”

 

Pattern Interrupts can be a great tool for not only changing your state but the emotional state of others also. The shock value of not giving a “typical” response is what ignites the opportunity for change to happen in patterns of thought. Adding humor is like adding gas to the fire!

Have fun creating some pattern interrupts for yourself.  I would love to hear yours below.

 

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Use NLP To Take Control of Your Bad Days

Having a Tough Day?  If you are, chances are you are acting in one of these different behavior patterns. The science of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), holds that a person is not their behavior. However, if you’re having a tough day — and even the best of us has been there at one point or another–, it is time to change your behavior to get some different results.

See if your bad day is a result of one of the following behavioral patterns, take responsibility for where you are and create a Powerful Change!

1-  Victim: the victim plays the blame game, noticeable by a very low tolerance for handling the problems and challenges in life.  He or she is reluctant to take responsibility, pushing it off instead on others. Often, feeling that they are a “victim of circumstance”, they don’t believe they have any control  over the circumstances they find themselves in.

SOLUTION: Ask, “What do I want to have? And, what do I have direct control/influence over in order to make that happen?”  Take any small action now and make sure to appreciate the action taken, no matter how small.

2-  Quitter: quitters tend to be out of touch with self and others around them. Quitters hide out in the shadows away from the group. They are easily distracted, do not commit, believe the effort is not worth the reward, and talk themselves out of what they most desire.

SOLUTION: Confront yourself with a detailed plan and get in touch with your emotions around following through with it

3-  Wizard of Oz: The Wizard of Oz’s believe that there is reward without action. They believe in the “Secret” and the “Law of Attraction”  If they just believe with enough will power, things will happen. They believe in shaping the future but they just “hope” it will become so. They believe the answer is out there, somewhere over the rainbow, somehow, some way it is going to happen.

SOLUTION: Get grounded in the reality of the situation now and add Action to the optimism and hope that good things will come. Engage in the pursuit of the worthy goal along with the beliefs that somewhere, somehow, your dreams will come true.

4-  Worry Wart: Fear takes over the worry wart. They focus most of their energy on what may happen, instead of looking at what they want to make happen. Fear means a person is not prepared for something they perceive may happen in the future. Many times there is too much focus on what they “don’t” want to happen.

SOLUTION: Say it the way you want the future to be.  Engage in a little more of the “over the rainbow” traits.  Take action and engage some faith and hope that your actions will bring you the results you most desire and if needed, build a back-up plan to deal with what you fear might happen in the future.

5-  Run-a-Way: the Run-a-way is stuck in a place of Busy-ness instead of taking the time to focus on what is most important in the Busi-ness of their life. They take massive action without a clear focus on the long term outcomes. They engage in what they know they can do easily and effortlessly in the short term and never take on the real problems they are facing.

SOLUTION: build a vision so you know your long term outcome.  Brain dump everything in your mind that you should do, could do, need to do and ought to do. Focus on the top 10% of those items that will bring you 90% of your success. Hint: What you are fearing and procrastinating the most, or what seems the hardest, is the action you should be working towards achieving.

6-  Actor: the actor works to show that everything is always perfect in their world. For them, it is a challenge to face the truth and live in a way that others may not approve. Actors do not have their own opinions and are always agreeable to what others do. They have to keep up with Jones’ and will do anything to put on a good show for others.

SOLUTION: Stop believing what others think you should be, do and have and define it for yourself.  Be brave and bold within yourself.  Find and reconnect with your own truth, your personal mission or purpose in life.  Forget what everyone else thinks of you and your public persona.  Engage and act your personal truth. If you are effective with that, you will be causing some talk and speculation.

7-  Bull in a China Shop: The bull keeps on looking for breakthroughs but is never truly transformed because they are not celebrating their own results and what is precious in their life now! Bulls have a hard time being satisfied with themselves. They think being the strongest and showing it off is the only way to win. They also seek approval from being the top dog and will do anything to get there.

SOLUTION: become satisfied with yourself for who you are and where you are on your path of life right now…stop, enjoy, and smell the roses like Ferdinand the Bull!

 

If you are having a bad day, chances are, one of these NLP personas will hold the key to getting you to a better day! Remember that you are not your behavior. If you don’t like your results, you have a choice!

Failure, anger, and frustration most often signal the opportunity to stop and ask, “which one of these traits am I stuck in?”  You probably already know which of these you tend to gravitate to.  I encourage you to not have the goal or intention of never being there again, instead, just find quicker and quicker ways to move through the disempowering states you do encounter. Flip those bad days around!  Chose to move through these behavior patterns and come out the other side, better, stronger and more successful!

 

Liked This Article?  Subscribe and Get my Thought of The Week newsletter directly in your inbox!  (You’ll also get a free copy of my “Emotional Mastery” training and my Free Special Report “5 Steps to Stop Procrastinating“)

 

Are You Running Away from Your Problems?

…Lessons from NLP and dog training

How do you deal with challenges? Do you face your problems head on or do you pull away from them?

Richard Bandler, the father of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), once said that everything he learned about human behavior he learned from his dog. I thought that was a very peculiar statement until I took a dog training course a few years back.

Do you know what to do when being attacked by a dog? Often, in a moment of fear, we react in a counterproductive way. This is also how we sometimes deal with challenges in life.

What would be your first reaction if you were outside, a barking dog was running toward you, and it looked like it was going to attack? The normal reaction would be to turn around and run. Many times in life, when confronted with our problems, we turn around and run. However, all that does is encourage the dog to attack, and in the end, your chances of being bitten just skyrocketed. A better strategy is to turn sideways to the dog, freeze in place, and slowly put out your hand for the sniff test. Why? Because this behavior tells the dog that you are not a threat. It is not an aggressive stance. By taking a quarter turn away from the dog you are still looking at it but not facing it in an adversarial position.

Many of life’s problems only require us to stay put for a second, take a deep breath, turn a little to one side or the other, adjust our perceptions, and then slowly extend ourselves to the problem in order to find resolution.

If the dog continues to charge toward you and bites down on your arm, what then? What would you do?

Panic and fear usually kick in and we try to pull away from the biting dog. Wrong idea! If you follow that instinct, instead of only getting a few puncture wounds from the teeth, you will end up ripping the flesh on your arm as you pull and jerk away.

The appropriate strategy is to “Make him eat it!”

If you move into the problem with aggressiveness and shove your arm deeper into the dog’s mouth, the dog will end up choking on your arm and will have to release its hold on you. The energy you spend by giving the dog what he wants will actually cause the problem to stop.

Many times, our problems are the same way. When we move into the problem, use its energy in an effective way to move through it, instead of pulling back, the problem loses its grip and you may find yourself free of the challenge.

As you think of the problems and challenges in your life, are you running away or pulling away from them?

Remember, the first step is to just stop! No emotional state lasts forever. Turn sideways a little bit to see it from a different perspective. If the problems and challenges already have an emotional hold on you, STOP pulling away from them, take a deep breath and push forward into it with all of your might. You may find that the problem will lose its grip on you. You can set yourself free.

 

 

You DO NOT have to let fear limit the way you live your life!

No matter what your phobia is, and regardless of how long you have been inconvenienced by it, 
your phobia can be cured!
You do not have to let fear limit the way you live your life.  
NLP has been proven to be one of the most effective ways to remove a phobia.  In fact, clearing phobias is what NLP was made famous for!
Whether you are dealing with a fear of flying, a fear of spiders or snakes, or claustrophobia, you know better than anyone how much these fears not only negatively impact your life but often also impact the lives of the ones you love.  
It doesn’t have to be that way!  You can be free of those limitations.  In 2 (pain free) sessions you can live life fully and on your own terms!
What is a phobia?
A phobia is an intense irrational fear. The root cause of the phobia can usually be traced back to an emotionally charged event when a biological response became associated at an unconscious level with a particular trigger or stimulus.  When re-presented with the trigger, such as being in a closed in space for instance, the associated response is triggered, most commonly resulting in extreme feelings of anxiety, fear and panic.
How can we remove a phobia?
Using Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), any phobia can be eliminated quickly and easily without medication and without the painful process deconditioning. There is no side effect and the results are immediate since NLP addresses the source of the phobia and not the symptoms.
The process consists of 2 sessions.  Sessions can be conducted in person if you live in the Raleigh area or over the phone, and last 45 minutes.  
From now until the 4th of July–just in time for the fireworks–, I would like to offer you, your family and your friends a special pricing of $225 for both sessions!  
Call today to get started and
Experience the freedom of life without fears or phobias!
919-745-7569

Are you Any-body or some-body?

Are you Any-body or Some-body Special?

Being different in life is a great way to build your self confidence. The definition of self confidence is, “You decide to take a specific action so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself.”

I was contemplating this last weekend on my long run and started to thing about the implications of the definition. I know I have covered this in previous thoughts but some things are so important, sometimes, they bear repeating.

Do you realize the amount of freedom we are blessed to have? In America, almost Any-body can do almost anything. That is the dream and the hope that has built this nation. The sad part about America is that although almost Any-body can do anything, most Any-body and Every-body tends to do what is easiest. We all tend to take the path of least resistance in life. We see this everyday in work, finances, health, and relationships.

Any-body can do something but it takes Some-body special to do what others are not willing too. It takes Some-body special to get up on a Saturday morning at 5am and go out on a training run for 17 miles. Any-body can sneak out of the office early on Friday to get to happy hour but it takes Some-body special to put in that little bit of extra time to get the job done right before leaving. Anybody can go out and get a credit card and get in debt by overspending but it takes a special Some-body to earn, save and actually own their home and car mortgage free. Anybody can put on that extra 20 pounds by sitting on the couch every night watching TV (one statistic I read stated the average child watches 22 hours of TV per week and adults average 8 hours per week—but they can not find time to exercise or spend quality family time). Anybody can go to work for somebody else, not pursue their dreams and put in their 8 hours and go home. It takes a Some-body special to understand their interests, strengths, and purpose in life, create their own business, and take on the risks of being an entrepreneur and providing jobs to others so they can feed their families. Any-body can not be invested in their community and not go out of their way to cultivate friendships outside of co-workers. It takes Some-body to find a meaningful pursuit that helps others less fortunate than them and invest their time building relationships with others. Do you get the point?

My question to you this week is, “In your life, where are you showing up an Any-body?” Where are you doing what Any-body and Every-body else is?” Where are you buying into the status quo of underachievement, living that unfulfilled meaningless life, and believing that you can’t do anything in the current economics to make your life better? Any-body can be an ant, following the ant in front of them, going to the same piece of food, taking your little piece and returning home. It takes a Some-body special ant to break away from the status quo and go find food itself. That is what builds up the self confidence of the ant and in the end benefits the entire community! Step up, face life’s challenges, commit to something different that Any-body COULD do, and be that Some-body special to ACTUALLY do it.

Solving a very specific problem with Meta Model III Questions

If you have A SINGLE VERY SPECIFIC PROBLEM take a few minutes and go through this process as quickly as possible out loud or writing it on paper. See what happens:

1. What’s the Specific Problem? ~or~ What’s wrong?
2. What caused the problem Specifically?
3. How have you failed to resolve this problem specifically?
4. How can you overcome the solution to the problem?
FLIP
5. What specifically would you like to change?
6. When will you STOP IT from being a limitation (no other answer except NOW!)
7. How many ways do you know that you have solved this specific problem?
8. I know that you are changing and seeing things differently, NOW!

Have you forgotten…Yourself?

I was focused, motivated and determined last weekend to achieve three major outcomes: finish my 2008 taxes, plant my new tree, and put up the basketball hoop for my son. I worked late into the evening on Friday night to complete the taxes, I was up early Saturday morning planting my new tree and Saturday evening I assembled the basketball hoop. Sunday morning found me grocery shopping and by 2:00 that afternoon I was wiped out, standing in the kitchen wondering what to do next.

When I was single, the first thing I would do every night when I got home was to put on some music. I did not have a TV or girlfriend at the time and jazz music was my best friend. We would have long conversations as I made dinner, returned emails and did laundry. I could never understand how I could live without it because when my condo was quiet, it was a weird feeling.

Now, with 2 kids, basketball, swimming, tennis, choir and gymnastic practices, dinner, bedtime, relationship time and work; free time is few and far between. Life just seems to continue to go faster and faster the older I get. I am not filling the quiet time with music since it is automatically filled with the sounds of a full life. But the quiet time still manages to get blocked out.

But there I was, standing in a moment of perfect silence, and thinking, “What’s next? I don’t know what to do. I’m confused.” The silence had found me again.

Are you comfortable being alone with yourself in a moment of silence? If you had 30 minutes on a Friday or Saturday evening to turn off the lights, sit on the couch and “be” alone, would you be able to do it? (No reading, TV, falling asleep, or other activity allowed!)

In quiet time, we become open to ourselves and what is truly important to us. We can let go of the errands, people, situations, and work we “must, need, and should” be doing. In the silence, we can reconnect with ourselves, find peace in the moment, and in that moment become open to what is truly important to us in our lives.

Take some time each day to stop, close your eyes, and be comfortable in the silence of your own self. Take the problems of your life there and ask for an answer to come to you. The more comfortable you become with yourself in your own silence, the more comfortable you will be running your life. Silence can be your greatest friend and the sweetest music to listen to.

I wish you many peaceful moments this week. Run your life instead of having your life run you. Enjoy those sweet moments of silence.

Be sure to check out my website, www.evolutionforsuccess.com, with details for an exciting new 2-Hour Parenting Teleconference which will be recorded on 2-CD’s in the month of April.

By the way, if you know anyone who needs support hiring the right person for the job, have them check out the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment at www.surehirenow.com
You can receive a $25 Gift Card to any store of your choice as a “Thank You” for your referral.

Please pass this on to anyone who needs an encouraging “Thought” this week. They can sign up for the “Thought of the Week” by sending me an email at james@evolutionforsuccess.com and place “subscribe” in the subject line. I never share my email list with anyone. Your privacy is of utmost importance to me.

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