The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions: What are they trying to tell us?

When people talk about changing their life, they are really talking about changing the quality and intensity of the emotions they consistently experience. There are certain emotional states that we are driven towards and certain emotional states that we are driven away from.

Emotions give us insight into where we are incongruent in our values, beliefs, and unresolved significant emotional events. The outcome of any coaching or intervention process is to ease emotional conflict within a person and increase wholeness by attaching new more empowering meanings to their experiences. That increases choice and wholeness within a person.

Here are the Top Ten Disempowering Emotions that people experience and the message they convey:

 

1. Discomfort:

Message: When you feel bothered, impatient, bored, or irritated, this emotion is telling you that you can be more than who you currently are.

Solution: Need to change your emotional state, get clear on what you want, and take an immediate action to achieve/experience something new.

 

2. Fear

Message: When you feel concern, apprehension, worry or terror, this emotion is telling you that something is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for. This emotion gives you massive energy to prepare for the unforeseen.

Solution: Identify what is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for, find a new solution and take action to confront and walk through the fear.

 

3. Pain

Message: When you feel a sense of loss or if means that an expectation has not been met. This is an important indicator that shows the depth of your caring about yourself of another individual/situation.

Solution: Identify if the expectation is still valid and useful. Is it your responsibility or someone else’s for the emotion of the moment? Identify what is within your direct control and influence to support the other person or yourself through the moment, adjust expectations for the future.

 

4. Anger

Message: When you feel irritated, angry, resentful, furious, livid, enraged, (usually from hurt) it is a fire and depth of emotional energy to make things right. It means that a standard that you have is not being met by yourself or others.

Solution: Use this deep intense energy to adjust your standards for yourself or others and take an immediate action to move towards resolution to the challenge or issue.

 

5. Frustration

Message: You keep trying the same thing to achieve your dreams/goals and it is not working.

Solution: Stay focused on your outcomes and change your approach. Try doing the exact opposite of what you are currently trying to get a different result.

 

6. Disappointment

Message: It shows the depth of your caring you feel towards the person/situation and the high standards that you have set.

Solution: Change your expectation, adjust the time frames on the goals or things that you want to have/experience and remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials. That old saying, “there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable time frames attached to them sometimes,” could be applicable.

 

7. Guilt/Regret

Message: You violated a standard or belief that your hold true for yourself and you are not following through on what you know is best for you

Solution: Clean up your act! Step forward and do what you know is right and true for you independent of what others may think is “best for you” or “what you can or cannot do”

 

8. Inadequacy / Self Doubt

Message: You feel less that worthy, your own value and worth is low

Solution: Use this emotion to set outcomes for you to learn, grow, and contribute to others.

 

9. Overwhelm/Overload

Message: You are feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed because events are controlling you instead of you controlling events

Solution: Reevaluate what is truly important to you in life, distinguish between Must’s, Should’s and Want’s, then take action.

 

10. Loneliness

Message: Feeling alone and separate from others and you need a new form of connection

Solution: Find inside yourself a way to reconnect or look outside of yourself to your friends, family, peers, and groups to help those more in need.

 

These Top Ten Disempowering Emotions are calls to take action and unlocks more in life. With the understanding of the Message that they are trying to tell us and the Solution on how to work through them, life becomes easier and easier. You will always continue to experience these Top Ten Emotions in your life. A new paradigm of measuring success comes from decreasing the amount of time that it takes to understand the Message, find a new solution, and take action to move through them every time you feel them.

When you work through your emotional states you begin to control your life instead of your life controlling you. That’s personal power!

Make the most out of motivational seminars

You might be wasting your money on motivational seminars and coaching unless you do this!

 

There is a HUGE gap in the market today between the experience you get from paying top dollar for motivational seminars from people like Tony Robbins®, The Millionaire Mind Intensives and the benefits you get from executive or personal coaching —even with top NLP trainers like Dr.’s Tad and Matt James and high priced executive coaches or life coaches.

Both have value and both have their place, but they do 2 entirely different things.

Motivational seminars and events are a ‘fish bowl’ for change. You are transported out of your current environment, place in an artificial one and ‘reprogrammed’ and then put back into your old life. Or, if you attend a powerful NLP training where you are intellectually taught NLP materials and have some simple exercises with partners, you will also create change in the ‘fishbowl’ manner.

The biggest problem is that while there may be some intense, emotional change during the event, once a person returns back home, eventually that fades away. Imagine a fish being taken out of his dirty fish bowl, put in clean water where he can finally breathe and then after a few days, is put back into the old water. Some healthy changes occurred while in the fresh water, but certainly not any long term lasting change. Using this analogy, the only way to get “healthy” is to pay to get in the clean water again for a few days somewhere in the future. Done often enough, and at close enough intervals, it’s possible to imagine that the changes might stick, but it’s impractical for most busy professionals.

Coaching can also be an effective tool and can be great to provide insight, awareness, strategies and accountability. However, the current ‘accepted’ coaching model is to never go into the past. After all, coaching isn’t therapy. The serious problem with coaching is that it only looks to create change by starting from where you are today. However, all change in behaviors happens when there is work done with the unconscious mind to clear up negative emotions and feelings from the past.

Imagine you have been writing a book called ‘your life.’ Using the traditional coaching methodologies, it’s like trying to create and write a new story in a journal that is already filled with past thoughts, stories and emotions! There is never really a clean page to start writing on. You never really start with a clean mental, emotional, physical and spiritual page in order to write something entirely new. Change can happen over the long term, but it can be laborious, take a long time and quite frustrating.

How can a person fill the gap? Go and take the seminar experience to have an emotional immersion, to have an experience of change and to learn the tools you can use back in your own ‘fishbowl.’ Then find an Executive Business Coach, like me with over 30,000 sessions who can work with you to continue having deep emotional releases AND teach you how to use the tools from the motivational seminars in your life every day! Solution for long term change solved!

My new program, Achieve Anything Now, brings all of the most powerful tools of NLP, Time Line Therapy® or Time Empowerment Techniques™ (MER mental emotional release) together in an easy monthly, weekly and daily process to release emotional issues from your past, create limitless opportunities and build powerful, results-driven, long term change into your life.

Call now for your complimentary, “Success-Now” session to see how you can, create the life of your dreams! (919) 745-7569

10 Top Tips to Stay Motivated and Focused this week…

Ever seem a little scattered? Do your business goals seem elusive and just out of reach? Are you frustrated at the end of the day because you never completed what you needed to? Are you so scattered that you don’t even have time to read this post? If so, then here are the Top Ten Tips to stay focused this week…

10. Answer the question, “What is the specific result I am focused on achieving this week?”

Without a clear destination you can’t get where you want to go. Imagine getting in a plane and just taking off to “go somewhere.” Use the SMART goals format to define your destination. Simple & Specific, Measurable & Meaningful, As if Now & Action oriented, Reasonable & Realistic, and Timed Towards what you desire. Specific is Success!

9. Get Motivated by Listing all the emotional reasons “WHY” you want to get to your destination.

When a goal is set in place…so are the obstacles that will be needed to be overcome. This will take energy and energy lies in generating the emotional “WHY” we want it. For ourselves, our kids, our spouse; dig down deep into that well of emotion and let it all gush forth. For extra credit, link up your life purpose to the goal and your identity to really get some power.

8. Find New People:

You are where you are, in part, due to the peer group you have around you. My workout buddy in the morning is the best. We both push each other. We are doing the Insanity workout and just this morning as we were completing our workout, he asked if I wanted to get in an additional 15 minute “pump” on the weights. He pushes me even when I’m tired and am ready to be done. I reciprocate by making sure I am at the gym every morning before he is. That way, he knows he has to bring the DVD’s or he will let me down by not showing up. We both add value to each other in different ways.

7. Clear Your Clutter

Get rid of anything that isn’t supporting your success. There needs to be emptiness in order for something new to come into your life. If a woman wants a man in her life but is sleeping at night with extra pillows and her pets…there’s no room for a man in her bed. If a guy doesn’t clean out 3/4 of his closet, get an extra toothbrush, have his/hers towels, and cleans out two dresser drawers, how will there be space for a woman to come into his life? Clear out your junk and make room!

6. Define & Master a Single Core Skill

Focus on changing one specific behavior that will move you towards your goal. You can prepare to walk/run all day with the right shoes, the music, playlists, weather, timing, treadmill or outside, determining your routes, estimating your time; but in the end all you have to master is putting one foot in front of the other for an extended period of time. Master taking one 8-10 inch step at a time with good form and posture.

5. Get comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Let’s say a person wants to reduce their weight. They will need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. When they “FEEL” uncomfortable because their stomach grumbles and they would normally go for some food, how can they start to feel comfortable with that moment and appreciate it instead of dread it? (This leads to #4)

4. Find a new, more empowering belief

Using the example above, when the stomach rumbles and they start to “FEEL” uncomfortable, insert a new belief for the old one. If the normal process is: stomach rumbles, the person says, “I’m starving to death and gotta eat” interrupt that self talk with, “excellent, that means that I must be thirsty” and then take a new action and drink water. (Sounds silly but I did that when I lost 60 lbs over 20 years ago and it still serves me to this day!)

3. Create Small Reminders

If you have a bigger goal of a trip, weight loss, business goals, etc. remember that where your focus goes your energy flows. Change your passwords to reflect your goals: ToughMudderNov2018, StBarth2017, CollegePaidinFull, Beachretirement2035, and BE CREATIVE. Put pictures on your mirror, in the shower, above your bed, in the bathroom, dash of the car, create reminders everywhere. These small reminders will help you stay focused and on track.

2. Create Quiet time to Focus

I recently read an article stating the main reason most small businesses fail is because of lack of planning. Strategic, purposeful thinking can only be done in a quiet setting and it should be done consistently (preferably a block of time weekly and even daily!) In order to create this space…find somewhere outside of your normal office, etc. (I have a client who uses a study room at his local library, no one finds him there) This will avoid the trap of the business running the person instead of the person running the business. During this scheduled quiet time see point #1.

1. Master Fear Management

I don’t care if you are the CEO of a Fortune 50 or a small solopreneur. In today’s competitive market the need to be innovative, creative and flexible creates HUGE uncertainty. Uncertainty breeds FEAR. Fear can be present due to change happening in the negative, ie going bankrupt and also the positive, ie problems that arise from rapid growth and expansion. Master Your Fears. Embrace them everyday because if you succumb to FEAR it will only lead to low self confidence, being motivated by necessity instead of possibility and worst of all, create a scarcity mentality. MASTER FEAR by doing at least one specific task everyday that you fear the most in your business. Eat Uncertainty and Fear for Breakfast to earn your dessert after dinner.

BONUS TIP:

Get an unconditional form of support to keep you on track…like an Executive Business Coach. (You know I had to plug that in!) Regardless of whether it’s me or not, no one earns a Grammy, an Emmy or an Oscar and stands on the stage during the acceptance speech and says, “I DID IT ALL MYSELF!” They all have people to thank…people who believed in them, provided support in those troubled moments of doubt, uncertainty and FEAR and pushed them to stay focused on their dreams and goals.

FOCUS!

To your continued success,

James

Which Executive Coach or Life Coach is Right For You?

Here Is How to R.A.T.E. a Prospective Executive Coach.

Here Is How to R.A.T.E. a Prospective Executive CoachFinding the right Life Coach or Executive Coach can seem like a daunting task. Here are a few simple guidelines to keep in mind as you explore your options.

But first and foremost, ask yourself what specific results you want to get from personal coaching. Do you want to embark in a process of self discovery or are you interested in getting more clients, generating more business, getting out of overwhelm in your business or even in your personal life?

Once you have an idea of what you hope to accomplish by hiring a life or executive coach, it’s time to ask him or her some questions…

RESULTS: What results have you helped clients achieve? 

Investing in a personal life coach or executive coach is not like buying a product you can return to the store –after all you are paying for the coach’s insight, processes, and psychological strategies which varies greatly from one coach to another. Yet, their clients’ results are definitely measurable. Ask, “What specific results have their clients achieved as a direct result of their coaching relationship?” If self discovery or pure emotional support is what you are hoping to gain, responses like “get in touch with their authentic self, support and insight, find their truth, or explore their talents.” will resonate with you.

ACCESSIBILITY: Are you available to take my calls when it’s convenient for me?

Most coaching packages provide two to four coaching sessions per month for 30-60 minutes. Some will even add a certain amount of email exchanges per week if needed. The problem is that most of the emotional moments when you need your coach’s support will not be during your “next scheduled call.” Many personal, life and business coaches today work their businesses part time and will not be available for you in between sessions. If accessibility is important to you, be sure and ask, “What additional support can I expect in between our formal sessions?”

TRAINING: Where were you trained and what is your coaching style?

Most coaches will have a certification or training from a Coach Training School. Be aware that anyone can provide a “Coaching Certification.” Your next door neighbor could start their own coaching practice tomorrow and label themselves a “Life Coach” or “Business Coach.” Ask, “what formal and informal training have you completed?” Remember, a certification does not equal a coach’s ability to help you get results. While every realtor has a license, your goal is to hire the one that can sell your house the fastest for the highest price. Coaching style is also a factor since each coach takes a unique approach to coaching. Some personal coaches are more assertive and to the point, some are gentle and soft spoken, while others combine a direct approach with a supportive style. You need to decide what will work best for you.

EXPERIENCE: How much experience do you have?

Nothing takes the place of experience. Experience doesn’t make you smarter, but it does mean you have observed patterns of behavior over and over again, and you have had time to determine which strategies truly work. It enables you to be able to think on your feet and adapt solutions to the specific issues you are tackling. In the book “Outliers,” Malcom Gladwell estimates that mastery of a skill comes after about 10,000 hours of experience. If a person worked 40 hours a week for about 5 years, they would gain mastery as a coach. That is 40 hours a week of actual “face to face” client time for five years straight. It does not include marketing, sales, administration, product development, public speaking, continued training, or time off. In order to be eligible for a Master Coach credential from the International Coach Federation, a personal coach only has to log 2,500 hours. Be sure to ask, “How many coaching hours have you accumulated since you became a coach?”

Working with a personal coach —whether it’s an executive coach or a life coach— has many advantages. A coach will provide perspective, support and accountability. By working with the right coach for you, one whose coaching style is a good fit, and one whose expertise matches the results you want to achieve, you will increase your success exponentially.  To learn more about executive coaching or personal life coaching, send us an email or call (919) 745-7569.

Is your child or teen acting out?

There are 4 goals of misbehavior in children and teens

You have seen them… the child screaming for attention in the store or the teen who dresses in a way impossible to ignore, the one who plays helpless and asks for help before even trying to problem-solve on his own, the child who talks back and “hates” his parents, and the one who insists on his or her way and attempts to rule the roost.

What do they all have in common?

They are working to get love and connection from their parents.  No, it’s not a typo; it might not make sense logically, but emotionally, it does.

All children, whether they are toddlers or high schoolers, have 2 primary needs: to be loved unconditionally and to belong.  If they feel discouraged and perceive they cannot belong in a useful way, they start acting up.  They actually want 1 of 4 things: they either want to get attention, power, revenge, or display inadequacy.

Let’s look at these “goals of misbehavior”, and what might be an effective strategy to coach your child toward more positive behavior.

GOAL # 1: Attention

All kids need attention and a large part of parenting is to give our kids attention.  But when your child mistakenly believes that the only way to belong is to have your attention –and will misbehave to get it– it becomes problematic.

You know when your child is misbehaving in an effort to get your attention if your reaction is to get annoyed or bothered.  Your natural response will be to coax, remind, nag or criticize.  Your child will usually respond by stopping the behavior temporarily and then starting it up again later for more attention.

    Examples:

  • Actively seeking attention:You are visiting with a friend when your 9 yr old daughter asks you to watch her do a cartwheel on the lawn.  You oblige happily, remark on her progress and go back to your discussion.  But a minute later, you’re showered with another wave of “watch me Daddy, watch me!”, quickly followed by “Watch me again!” and again, and again…  Her bid for attention might escalate until she falls and receives your complete attention.  With a teenager, you might find that your son does something that annoys you.  After you step in to correct the behavior, he may stop but before long, he moves on to another annoying behavior.
  • Passively seeking attention:  Instead, your son might do nothing and simply expect to be waited on.

Solution: Encourage your child to join in  and be part of things in a positive way.  Ignore your child’s obvious bid for attention and instead focus and draw attention to something else entirely.  At a different time, offer positive attention when he or she isn’t trying to get it.  Catch him or her being good.

 

GOAL # 2: Power

Part of growing more independent is to feel more in control. In and of itself, power is a positive goal.  It only becomes a problem if, as with attention, your child feels that the only way to connect is by having the power.  In the case of teens, it’s a very common goal of course since they are often very focused on gaining autonomy.

Your clue to the fact that your child is trying to show power is that you will tend to respond by feeling angry or threatened. You might try to make him obey or you might give in. If you choose to fight and make him do what you want, he will fight back.  If you choose to give in, he’ll stop acting out since he won and got what he wanted.

    Examples:

  • Actively seeking Power:Your child may deliberately break your rules like going biking without a helmet, choosing friends he knows you are uncomfortable with, or refusing to come home when you ask.
  • Passively seeking Power: Sometimes, your child will comply with your request but do it slowly or sloppily hence communicating that although you can make him do what you want him to do, he can control how he does it.

Solution: Look for ways to give your child more choices.  Encourage your child to gain independence and be responsible.  Don’t fight or give in, let consequences simply happen.

 

GOAL # 3: Revenge

If your child loses a power struggle and feels hurt, he may decide to get revenge.

As a parent, you might feel shocked, hurt and angry.  You might react by trying to get even and in return, your child will try to get more revenge, continuing the cycle with no end in sight.

    Examples:

  • Actively seeking Revenge:Your child might say or do something hurtful. Teens might take risks with the whole goal of shocking or worrying you.
  • Passively seeking Revenge: Your child may choose to glare at you angrily.

Solution: Refuse to take things personally.  Refuse to get even. Don’t enter in a cycle of escalating revenge. Focus on building trust and respect when everyone is calm.

 

GOAL # 4: Display of Inadequacy

Sometimes a child will try to connect with his parents by acting helpless in a particular area.  He or she perceives that the only way they will connect with you is by convincing you they are helpless.

When your child’s goals is truly to display inadequacy (as opposed to a plight to get your attention which will elicit an annoyed emotional response), he just wants to be excused from the task.  He wants you to stop expecting anything from him.  You are likely to feel like giving up too.  Although you may not voice it out loud, you might in fact think that your child is helpless in that area.  You might give up and do nothing.  If you do give up and agree to expect nothing from your child, his goal has been met but at a very high price.

    Examples:

  • Your child may try to convince you he can’t figure out homework, do a good job at their chores, or make friends.

Solution: Because a child who gives up is very discouraged, focus on progress and encourage any effort. Don’t pity them and don’t give up.

 

When your teen or child is acting out, take a minute to determine what your child’s misbehavior payoff is and change the way you react. You can help your child develop more positive beliefs and strategies about getting your love and connection.

To learn more about identifying and responding to your kids’ behavior, pick up the book STEP Parenting: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Dinkmeyer or their Teen version of the book: Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens. It is an extremely valuable resource and can make a huge difference.  Or call me at (919) 745-7569!

 

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Challenge your limiting beliefs!

You have heard the question “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?”.

Well, I have another question for you:

“If you have a limiting belief but refuse to think about it, do you still have a problem?”

The mind is an interesting muscle.  Once it assigns a meaning to a particular situation or event, it starts building additional thoughts and beliefs to justify that initial meaning.  For better or for worse.

Years ago, I had a limiting belief that I could not run;  it hurt my knees too much. I built a wall of beliefs around that belief to justify my not running.  Then one day I decided to challenge it by running two miles, walking a mile, and running one more.  I chose a new belief: “I can run three miles.”  In that moment, I refused to think my old limiting belief and replaced it with another one.  And, my mind responded like it always does; it started to look for new beliefs and thoughts to strengthen that new belief. I found a way to use my mind in a way that was to my advantage.  The new beliefs, strengthened with consistent running, changed my life.

The results speak for themselves: 15 half marathons, 13 marathons, one 40-mile trail race, 50-mile race and 100K trail race in the next 20 years. I found that, in the end, I changed something even deeper than a belief. I changed my core identity. I changed from being the “fat band kid” to being a “long distance endurance athlete” and “zen-runner.” Changing who you believe you are is the deepest change you can make.

I encourage you to question your own thoughts when you think something limits you. Just because you think a thought, does not automatically mean that it is true.  Go and find a way to disprove it, even if it is in a small way.  Adopt a new belief and strengthen it with consistent actions.

Let you mind weave new beliefs and thoughts around it to strengthen it, and over time, you will achieve more that you ever thought possible.  It will give you the strength and courage to truly change your life.

Running two miles did not lead to “long distance endurance runner” overnight.  Initially, I never dreamed I would go out and complete a 100 kilometer race with total confidence in my ability to go the distance.  But once I challenged my initial limiting belief, it led me down many paths, many races, many spiritual moments, and a more fulfilling life.

And as for the philosophical question of whether or not a falling tree makes a sound if nobody is there to hear it, the answer is “It doesn’t matter because you will be somewhere else, thinking about something else, and making your life be something better!”

 

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What is Life Coaching and Personal Coaching?

Is Life Coaching or Personal Coaching for you?

How do you choose a great life coach?

And what does a personal coach actually do?

Primarily, personal coaching consists of helping you gain awareness and understanding about where you are now, determine where you want to go –whether it’s in your business or in personal life– and formulate effective strategies to get you to your goal.

Picture a number line from 0 to 10 in your mind. Coaching focuses first on defining where you are now (0) and where you want to be (10). Having an end destination defined is crucial for any coaching process because without it, you will never be able to measure and assess your results and refine new strategies and behaviors.

Most people forget that when you set a goal, you simultaneously define all of the obstacles you will have to overcome to achieve that goal.

For example, if you have never run a day in your life and you signed up for a marathon, you put some big obstacles in place! These obstacles can be defined as patterns of behavior that are mental (limiting beliefs), emotional (fear, overwhelm, self doubt), and physical in nature (my shins hurt today, I’m tired). Your coach’s skill sets need to be able to support you to identify these obstacles and limitations, develop new strategies for success, and refine these processes until they are automatic.

Your personal coach’s other function is to give you feedback and hold you accountable for specific actions you agree to perform in between coaching sessions. It is great to sit on the phone all day and talk about our issues but if a person does not choose to take a different action, nothing will change.

His or her experience is crucial in being able to provide you, the client, with the experience you desire. My coaching is 80% psychology and 20% tools and strategies. That’s because 80% of the challenges that we experience are in our mind. There are two types of fear: functional and non-functional fear. Functional fear is 10% of what we experience in our life today (i.e. remembering not to step off of the curb because the bus is coming down the street). Non-functional fear, the other 90%, we create in our own mind based on the what if’s, what about’s, and why’s we ask ourselves (hence the definition of FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

Personal coaching addresses these fears and limiting beliefs preventing you from living life on your own terms.

Whether you are frustrated with certain aspects of your personal or professional life, are at a crossroad and want to determine which path to take, or you are looking to formulate an effective action plan to achieve a specific goal, personal coaching will empower, motivate, and support you with the focus, strategies, feedback, and accountability you need to achieve true and lasting results in the most important areas of your life.

To learn more about personal coaching and life coaching, or to talk to James Murphy about creating the life you truly want, visit www.evolutionforsuccess.com or call 919-745-7569

Does Purpose Trump Motivation When it Comes to Long Term Success?

Executive Business Coaching can help you find your purpose and motivation

Motivation is what many people believe is the number one factor in getting themselves and their employees to move toward their goals.  For good reason too.  Every manager loves a motivated employee!  They tend to come in early, leave late, produce at high levels and inspire others.  As an Executive Business Coach, one of my outcomes for every session is to never get off of the phone until my client is in a more motivated state in regards to their goals.  One of my favorite quotes from Zig Ziglar is “People often say that motivation doesn’t last.  Neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

The problem with motivation is that a person has to work to create it.  That takes energy and effort!  And for some people, it can be A LOT of work.  Motivation is great to get you started in the moment and here are 8 great tips that are commonly used every day for motivation.  I know these work because I use them daily with clients.

But these motivational tips don’t address the issue of staying motivated in the long term.  

PURPOSE MOST DEFINITELY TRUMPS MOTIVATION WHEN YOU WANT LONG TERM RESULTS!

Seeking purpose, whether it’s in your business or in your personal life, boils down to 2 simple concepts.  

First, purposeful people are continually building and creating something.  An inner drive is unleashed that goes beyond the moment of procrastination, fear or doubt.  Purposeful people build and create.  

Second, people with a clear purpose work to build and create their inner experience (self) and their outer physical world (a skill). Tony Robbins once stated, “It’s not about the goal. It’s about growing to become the person who can accomplish that goal.”  Focusing on building and creating your inner self first is the key to long term motivation.

To unleash the power of Purpose in your day, ask yourself:

  1.  “What am I working to build and create?”
  2. “What can I build and create today for a better body, career, level of health, business meeting, mental mindset, emotional sense of wellbeing, happiness, experience for my business customers, etc…?”

Creating long term results by being Purposeful and then using Motivational strategies for daily support is the most powerful way to produce.

As a seasoned Executive Business Coach, helping you unleash that inner sense of purpose you need to show up every day motivated and ready to build and create is the linchpin of my client work, so contact me if you have any questions!

Why you can’t tap into your motivation…

Did you ever say to yourself, “I know what I need to do, I just am not doing it?” As a result, that book isn’t written, that vacation isn’t taken, that report isn’t done on time and the scale shows a number that depresses you.

The Cause of lack of Motivation…No Purpose.

The Key to tapping into Massive Motivation comes from taking your purpose in life and linking it to every action that you take during the day. The process to create those links are as follows.

1. Associate and recall your Purpose. Remember, a purposeful person works in every moment to build and create an emotional expression of themselves internally and externally that will influence and inspire others to do the same. Ask yourself every moment of the day, “Is this action right now purposeful in building and creating the person I want to become and the life I want to have?”

2. Associate into the Emotional ‘Why’ of your Purpose. After Purpose is engaged, a person MUST work to integrate the emotional component, or fully associate into it, what they are working to build and create. If your Purpose is to build and create an incredible level of physical health, associating into what you will feel as a result; the energy, vibrancy, power, strength and confidence if essential. Where purpose and emotion are joined together, a tremendous force and energy is created.

3. This tremendous force then needs an outlet. It needs to be consciously directed into an action that is congruent in moving a person forward in what they are building and creating. It really doesn’t matter how big or small the action is. What matters is that it is congruent in the short and long term, in moving the person one step closer to the successful completion of their purpose. At this point, taking action is very easy. Motivation has kicked in full force.

4. Appreciate the results no matter how BIG or small. Most people fall short of their goals because they don’t remember that cause and effect are instantaneous. All they see is the gap between the small step and the HUGE lottery win they want to have. So, they give up in frustration and think nothing has happened. You never see the change in a person eating one extra pat of butter a day in their diet. However, at the end of the year, they would be 2 pounds heavier. Everything, big or small ads up! A person must trust and have faith in their purposeful actions generating results.

So, if you are wondering, “how can I get more motivated? How can I be more fulfilled and happy in my life? How can I be self directed and self driven?” Here is the magic question. Ask it frequent and often!

“Is this action right now purposeful in building and creating the person I want to become and the life I want to have?”

If the answer is yes, it passed the test. Take the action and the next and the next.

If that answer is no, let it go! Refocus and ask a new question, “What can I do right now to continue to build and create the person I want to become and the life I want to have? What is purposeful for me right now to accomplish in my work? What is purposeful right now for me in terms of health, my relationships?” Remember to associate into the ‘WHY’ you want to build and create…for energy, love, confidence, etc. and celebrate your results.

You will find yourself saying, “I know what I need to do and I’m motivated to do it!”

To your continued success,

James

PS-Looking for define your purpose? Check out www.30DaysforSuccess.com It’s all in there waiting for you to discover, now!

Hurry…it’s almost February already…time to focus!

WOW…it’s already almost February and how productive have you been in achieving  your goals? If you are like most people, the power to focus is something that is a real challenge!

So, how does a person stay away from procrastination and fear based doubt? Mastering one simple saying is all that it takes for you to have the next 11 months be the best ever. Here it is…

Where your focus goes, Your energy Flows, and Whether it is positive or negative, that is what Expands and grows.

Sound to simple or good to be true? It isn’t. Most people fail to realize that it is the small, seemingly inconsequential actions that actually ensure success. Most people quote that it took Edison over 1,000 times to create the light bulb. However, what allowed him to persevere throughout those many attempts?

I find it interesting to note that no one talks about how he would have had to laboriously set up, perform and record every attempt to prevent duplication? What was the filing system he used? How did he stay organized? How did he make sure that nothing was ever duplicated? How was he able to perform each experiment one by one, focused and intentional.

If you want to master any task to create amazing results, fighting through frustration and distraction is key. Keeping your focus and energy going into a single minded endeavor, keeping a positive outlook and repeating as needed until completion is what Mastery is all about.

Edison had in his lab the following quote by Sir Joshua Reynolds, “There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking.” Distraction, immediate gratification and lack of focus destroy success and achievement.

Just for fun, how many times have you strayed from this article, if you have read this far? Building intense focus and single minded purpose is a learnable skill. Review your goals. Take a single, simple action everyday to move towards completing them. Rewrite your goals in the evening. Write out your action plan for the next day. Measure, monitor and reinforce every attempt to succeed. Feed yourself positive thoughts, focus on your goals 24/7, feed them, and act on them again and again and again. Take small simple steps everyday. Your future starts now, today.

To your continued success,

James

If you having challenges with focus and procrastination, sign up now for 30-Dyas for Success. Master the Simple Solution to focus and achieve today. www.30DaysforSuccess.com

Focus in 3-Steps: Executive Coaching John Wooden Style

In a previous post, I talked about the acronym F.O.C.U.S.S. and how a person can create greater levels of purpose, self-confidence, and direction. Today, I’m going to approach the concept of “focus” from the perspective of one of the greatest coaches in basketball history, John Wooden.

“In 1948, I began coaching basketball at UCLA. Each hour of practice we worked very hard. Each day we worked very hard. Each week we worked very hard. Each season we worked very hard. For fourteen years we worked very hard and didn’t win a national championship. However, a national championship was won in the fifteenth year. Another in the sixteenth. And eight more in the following ten years.” ~JW

My question is this, “Did the teams develop to a point where they could finally win a national championship or did Coach Wooden develop himself into a national championship coach?”

 

First Step: Be clear who you are and what Skill you choose to pursue excellence in (internal focus).

If you are going to become a master at a skill or craft, make sure it is one that you love and will emotionally support you for the next 20 years. Then, work to be the best!

To support this assertion another quote, “I am not what I ought to be, not what I want to be, not what I am going to be, but thankful that I am not what I used to be.” ~JW   Focus on being your best now in this moment, every moment!

“For an athlete to function properly, he must be intent. There has to be a definite purpose and goal if you are to progress. If you are not intent about what you are doing, you aren’t able to resist the temptation to do something else that might be more fun at the moment.” ~JW

 

Second Step: You must set goals that align with the expression of who you want to become and the skill you are choosing to master.

Set BIG, HUGE GOALS (external)!

For example, I chose a skill set of running many years ago. After thousands of miles of mastery, there was room for growth to always set the bar higher in terms of external goals: a 10K, half marathon, marathon, Goofy Challenge, 50-Miler, 100K Ultra and the pinnacle…100-Mile Ultra. Those goals took 20+ years of focus. As I took yoga along the way to keep flexible and train, I didn’t set a goal to become a yoga guru.

Big Goals provide the impetus to learn to perfect yourself in the execution of becoming more. They create the pressure to become meticulous because every detail counts. A hot spot on your foot in a 10K or half marathon is not big deal, on a marathon it becomes a little more important but during an ultra-marathon it means the difference between success and epic failure. Large goals are critical because they provide motivation to be diligent, prudent, and sustain a heightened level of awareness; internal and external. That creates focus.

“Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.” ~JW

 

Third Step: Large goals create large obstacles to overcome.

This scares other people away from you so you have more time and energy to focus on your pursuits and not be presented with their problems.

How often during the day are we interrupted, distracted and presented with other people’s problems and life issues? People tend to conspire with others who will give them solace, empathy, and commiserate with them on their problems. The more a person commiserates with another, the more they keep coming back for more commiseration! If a heavy set person starts telling you how bad they feel, most people think it is OK to say, “I’m sorry, you know, it’s not really your fault. After all its genetics, thyroid issues, etc.” What happens when they get that response?  They keep coming back!

Granted it’s not polite to say to them, “then get off your fat buns and do something about it.” BUT, if you are setting a high goal of health for yourself, that person will naturally shy away from you. They know intuitively, as they see you pack your bag for a lunchtime workout, they won’t get much sympathy. You scare them away by setting higher standards.

 

BIG Goals scare people away because they suffer internally by comparison.

This cuts down in interruptions, distractions, and people telling you their problems. FOCUS comes from setting a higher standard than your peers. An added benefit is that the only people who will interrupt you are the people who have high standards and the exchanges will be more in the form of support, encouragement and sharing of tips that help you refine and master your craft. These can be good because they actually boost your energy, efficiency and the time spent for the interruption is time saved with what is learned by sharing.

Welcome the adversity and feelings of “being alone” in your singular pursuit. This creates focus. Here’s a supportive quote.

“When everyone is thinking the same, no one is thinking.” ~JW

 

Let’s recap these three steps:

1. Be clear on who you are and what skill you want to master (internal mindset)

2. Set Goals in that skillset that are HUGE, stretch yourself as high and far as you can go!

3. Get comfortable with scaring other people away and being alone…set a higher standard. Your only interruptions will be from others with high goals. Those interruptions will be fewer but very supportive!

 “The road to real achievement is usually bumpy and long, but you do not give up. You may have setbacks. You may have to start over. You may have to change your methods. You may have to go around, or over, or under. You may have to back up and get another start. But you do not quit. You stay the course.” ~JW

To your continued success,

James, Executive Business Coach

Learn more about Coach John Wooden here:  www.coachwooden.com

How to Succeed: 4 Master Steps

In the science of Neuro Linguistic Programming, (NLP), one of the fundamental skills is modeling. NLP is the study of how to be excellent at something. If someone is getting excellent results then there has to be a pattern that can be replicated for someone else to be successful too.

In looking at diets for instance, whether you are South Beach, Atkins, Paleo, Weight Watchers or any other, the same pattern for getting results stands true. Basically, the body absorbs calories in the following order: simple sugars/carbohydrates (most processes things like high fructose corn syrup, sugar, pasta, etc.), next is complex carbohydrates that come from fruits and vegetables with higher fiber content, next is fats and last is proteins.

The common pattern in all of the diets is that you cut out the first source, simple sugars/carbohydrates, and most of the second. Then, your body is trained to use fat as energy. Hence, effective reconditioning of the body use fat as its primary energy resource.

What does this have to do with self-help, motivation and living the life of your dreams?

Every successful person has followed these basic 4 Steps to Success.  Most self help program covers many, or just one, of the following 4 Steps to Success.

1. Become Definite about your Mission, Purpose, or Path in Life.

2. Release any and all negative associations that aren’t in alignment with your Mission or Purpose.

3. Create a Master Plan to build and create something that provides an emotional experience for others that will help them to create/live their purpose. Build it!

4. Make sure the Tithe, give generously to complete the circuit of energy.

Follow these four steps and success will be knocking on your door sooner rather than later.

TO your continued success,

James

If you are stuck finding your Purpose, Clearing Negative emotions, creating a Master Plan or finding a worthwhile means for tithing, call for your “Success-Now” Session.

(919) 792-0085 

Happiness Project App Announcement

HAPPINESS! Could you use a little more of it in your world?

In an article by Rob Silverblatt, “The Science of Workplace Happiness,” April 14, 2010, “a recent study…indicated that just 45 percent of American workers are “satisfied” with their jobs” and “the lackluster economy has put a damper on upward and even lateral movement, leaving many workers feeling trapped in their current positions.”

WOW, that means that an estimated 55% of the American workplace just aren’t happy. In addition, the one key step that is needed for happiness, “the ability to be purposeful, grow, and achieve” is missing in the workplace today.

What is a person to do?

Well, there is a solution and it doesn’t entail quitting your job. Take a look at this new app that I have the pleasure of being a part of. It specifically addresses the Happiness Factor.

The “I Am Happy Project” is launching a mobile app called the “Happy Button” to help users improve their health, relationships, work and life by boosting their happiness. The app is free and will be available for download on October 1 at www.iamhappyproject.org and on Apple iTunes.

The Happy Button App has several functions to help users boost happiness:

  • A daily inspirational message to boost their happiness level.
  • Video messages about happiness from experienced life and business coaches.
  • Audio messages about happiness from experienced life and business coaches.
  • Blog posts about achieving happiness written by life and career coaches.
  • A simple question to measure where you fall on the happiness scale for the day.
  • Your average daily, weekly and monthly happiness measure.

I decided to be part of this project because after working with people for over 14 years, it amazed me how people value achievement, learning, growth, and prosperity but many times forget to add Happiness to the list. When I was contacted by Edwin about the Happiness Project, it resonated with me personally. In today’s world, there is a huge undercurrent of uncertainty and fear. Happiness is a lifeline for people struggling with career changes, financial stress and lack of a clear future. The purpose of this app is to help people work and live happily achieving with less stress, frustration, and anxiety, both at home and in the workplace.

 The app will be available for download through the Apple App Store and Google Play Store as of October 1 and later on Blackberry and Windows phones.  

About the I Am Happy Project: The I Am Happy Project is a non-profit organization with the mission of spreading happiness globally, one person at a time. In early 2009, Edwin Edebiri set out to shift people’s minds to happiness from the gloom and doom that dominates the news. The nonprofit is having an impact on our communities around the world, from Davis, California, to Chicago, Illinois, to orphanage homes in New Delhi, India and Benin City, Nigeria. I Am Happy Project groups are in 63 cities and 18 nations, representing every continent.

Join the Happiness Movement today and I look forward to hearing your feedback!

To your continued Happiness,

James

Need more happiness in your life? Call for a “Success-Now” Session and Change your happiness levels!  (919) 792-0085

Happiness: 3 Simple Steps

3 Secrets to Happiness

Do you remember that great book you once read? It seemed kind of long when you picked it up but as you read the first page there was anticipation, excitement, and desire to find out what was going to happen?

And like most books, it started slow as the characters developed. But, the plot thickened and it got more and more exciting and it started to go by faster and faster. Until finally, the ending was in sight and you couldn’t put it down, time stood still and you voraciously relished every last word to the very end.

Life is like a good book for the “Happy Person.”

There are three steps to achieve happiness.

1. A Happy Person has a long term vision, mission, or purpose for life that is achievable. In essence, they begin with the end in mind. Knowing what your purpose is and where you are going in life has many benefits.  First, it allows a person to relax and not get stressed because they “aren’t where they are supposed to be yet.” Mission and purpose allow positive emotional states like peace and relaxation to be present when a person focuses on their long term purpose. Second, in the face of obstacles, they have all the time in the world to find solutions because they have confidence, knowing they are on the right path and doing the right things.

2. While keeping their purpose in mind, A Happy Person chunks down their goals into small measureable actions that are easily attainable. At first, learning to tie your shoes is a laborious process. You have to bend down, get the laces, work through each single step to get the knot right. A happy person can focus on one small step at a time because they are very present in the moment. They are “Happily learning” each small step of the process because they know it is their mission and purpose to learn to tie their shoes. There is anticipation, curiosity, and excitement in discovering the joys of working towards their goals.

3. Chunking down goals into small attainable moments, a Happy Person can anchor in positive and inspiring thoughts, feelings and emotions to “living and learning.” Each and every moment becomes a joy. Just like at the end of the book. Momentum grows exponentially as happy people experience success in every moment of the day. Smiles and happiness are infectious and move the world.

BONUS STEP: More Happiness Now!

Go for a walk and ask yourself these questions 3-5 minutes a piece in this order. This exercise should take about 3-15 minutes. Let you mind answer the question each time before asking the question again.

1. When have I been Happy in the past? (3-5 min)

2. How do I know I am feeling Happy now? (3-5 min)

3. How am I going to continue to be Happy throughout the rest of the day? Tomorrow? Next week? Next Month?  (3-5 min…future pace out this question, ie  day, tomorrow, next week, month, etc)

When would NOW be a good time to continue to be Happy?

Your life is one great story. Write your own book of happiness, achievement and success. Happiness is contagious and so are smiles. Wear yours proudly!

To your continued Happiness, James

Anyone you know UNHAPPY with their life? Have them call to set up their “Success-Now” session at (919) 792-0085.

 

Executive Business Coaching Tip #305, Change your Thinking, Change your Profits

Can Just Changing The Way You Think Really Help Grow Your Business?
Most business owners today aren’t happy with the amount of revenue their business is generating. They’re working longer hours, applying greater effort, spending more for marketing and receiving lower revenue. So what’s going on?

What you need to know…

If you’re not happy with your business’s current results, it’s important to remember that those results are in direct proportion to the effective actions you’ve been taking to grow your business.

If you want different results, then you MUST take different actions.

So why don’t business owners do that? The answer may shock you. They can’t stop repeating their past patterns of behavior. Their patterns have become ingrained into their subconscious mind and established themselves as habits.

Have you ever listened to art experts accurately identify a recently discovered painting as belonging to a specific artist such as Rembrandt? How can they tell who painted that picture? Patterns… that’s how. Even though the painting may look completely different than all the others that artist painted, his or her patterns, sometimes referred to as their “style,” continuously comes through with each and every painting.

Why you need to know this…

The exact same thing happens to business owners. All of us have been mentally conditioned to perform our daily activities in a certain way. These activities have become habits through constant and daily repetition.

The problem is that the majority of these habits… more than 80% of them… are non-productive.

Imagine what would happen to your revenue if you could reduce that 80% down to 60%. Do you realize that you would DOUBLE your income? Do you know how easy it is to reduce that 80% down to 60%… or even down to 40%… which doubles revenue again? Exciting, isn’t it?

How can you learn to do all of this?

You can develop these skills quickly and easily through the E-Learning Marketing SystemTM. We show business owners every day a proven and tested “goal setting” process that conditions them to focus only on their highest income-producing activities.

To take a Test Drive on our system visit http://StartupMarketingForSuccess.com/myguidedtour

To your continued Succe$$,
James M Murphy
P.S. Please remember that at any time you feel ready and qualified to move forward and acquire the professional help that can enable you to build the business of your dreams, just click here and check out our E-Learning Marketing SystemTM. It’s helping small business owners just like you get the answers and the help they need to build the business they have always wanted.

We created the E-Learning Marketing SystemTM with the perfect combination of online resources, tools and support to get you out of any financial distress you’re presently experiencing… help you get laser-focused on your highest income-producing activities… and help you develop and then apply the fundamentals that build multimillion dollar businesses. click here to see for yourself.