Make the most out of motivational seminars

You might be wasting your money on motivational seminars and coaching unless you do this!

 

There is a HUGE gap in the market today between the experience you get from paying top dollar for motivational seminars from people like Tony Robbins®, The Millionaire Mind Intensives and the benefits you get from executive or personal coaching —even with top NLP trainers like Dr.’s Tad and Matt James and high priced executive coaches or life coaches.

Both have value and both have their place, but they do 2 entirely different things.

Motivational seminars and events are a ‘fish bowl’ for change. You are transported out of your current environment, place in an artificial one and ‘reprogrammed’ and then put back into your old life. Or, if you attend a powerful NLP training where you are intellectually taught NLP materials and have some simple exercises with partners, you will also create change in the ‘fishbowl’ manner.

The biggest problem is that while there may be some intense, emotional change during the event, once a person returns back home, eventually that fades away. Imagine a fish being taken out of his dirty fish bowl, put in clean water where he can finally breathe and then after a few days, is put back into the old water. Some healthy changes occurred while in the fresh water, but certainly not any long term lasting change. Using this analogy, the only way to get “healthy” is to pay to get in the clean water again for a few days somewhere in the future. Done often enough, and at close enough intervals, it’s possible to imagine that the changes might stick, but it’s impractical for most busy professionals.

Coaching can also be an effective tool and can be great to provide insight, awareness, strategies and accountability. However, the current ‘accepted’ coaching model is to never go into the past. After all, coaching isn’t therapy. The serious problem with coaching is that it only looks to create change by starting from where you are today. However, all change in behaviors happens when there is work done with the unconscious mind to clear up negative emotions and feelings from the past.

Imagine you have been writing a book called ‘your life.’ Using the traditional coaching methodologies, it’s like trying to create and write a new story in a journal that is already filled with past thoughts, stories and emotions! There is never really a clean page to start writing on. You never really start with a clean mental, emotional, physical and spiritual page in order to write something entirely new. Change can happen over the long term, but it can be laborious, take a long time and quite frustrating.

How can a person fill the gap? Go and take the seminar experience to have an emotional immersion, to have an experience of change and to learn the tools you can use back in your own ‘fishbowl.’ Then find an Executive Business Coach, like me with over 30,000 sessions who can work with you to continue having deep emotional releases AND teach you how to use the tools from the motivational seminars in your life every day! Solution for long term change solved!

My new program, Achieve Anything Now, brings all of the most powerful tools of NLP, Time Line Therapy® or Time Empowerment Techniques™ (MER mental emotional release) together in an easy monthly, weekly and daily process to release emotional issues from your past, create limitless opportunities and build powerful, results-driven, long term change into your life.

Call now for your complimentary, “Success-Now” session to see how you can, create the life of your dreams! (919) 745-7569

Focus in 3-Steps: Executive Coaching John Wooden Style

In a previous post, I talked about the acronym F.O.C.U.S.S. and how a person can create greater levels of purpose, self-confidence, and direction. Today, I’m going to approach the concept of “focus” from the perspective of one of the greatest coaches in basketball history, John Wooden.

“In 1948, I began coaching basketball at UCLA. Each hour of practice we worked very hard. Each day we worked very hard. Each week we worked very hard. Each season we worked very hard. For fourteen years we worked very hard and didn’t win a national championship. However, a national championship was won in the fifteenth year. Another in the sixteenth. And eight more in the following ten years.” ~JW

My question is this, “Did the teams develop to a point where they could finally win a national championship or did Coach Wooden develop himself into a national championship coach?”

 

First Step: Be clear who you are and what Skill you choose to pursue excellence in (internal focus).

If you are going to become a master at a skill or craft, make sure it is one that you love and will emotionally support you for the next 20 years. Then, work to be the best!

To support this assertion another quote, “I am not what I ought to be, not what I want to be, not what I am going to be, but thankful that I am not what I used to be.” ~JW   Focus on being your best now in this moment, every moment!

“For an athlete to function properly, he must be intent. There has to be a definite purpose and goal if you are to progress. If you are not intent about what you are doing, you aren’t able to resist the temptation to do something else that might be more fun at the moment.” ~JW

 

Second Step: You must set goals that align with the expression of who you want to become and the skill you are choosing to master.

Set BIG, HUGE GOALS (external)!

For example, I chose a skill set of running many years ago. After thousands of miles of mastery, there was room for growth to always set the bar higher in terms of external goals: a 10K, half marathon, marathon, Goofy Challenge, 50-Miler, 100K Ultra and the pinnacle…100-Mile Ultra. Those goals took 20+ years of focus. As I took yoga along the way to keep flexible and train, I didn’t set a goal to become a yoga guru.

Big Goals provide the impetus to learn to perfect yourself in the execution of becoming more. They create the pressure to become meticulous because every detail counts. A hot spot on your foot in a 10K or half marathon is not big deal, on a marathon it becomes a little more important but during an ultra-marathon it means the difference between success and epic failure. Large goals are critical because they provide motivation to be diligent, prudent, and sustain a heightened level of awareness; internal and external. That creates focus.

“Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.” ~JW

 

Third Step: Large goals create large obstacles to overcome.

This scares other people away from you so you have more time and energy to focus on your pursuits and not be presented with their problems.

How often during the day are we interrupted, distracted and presented with other people’s problems and life issues? People tend to conspire with others who will give them solace, empathy, and commiserate with them on their problems. The more a person commiserates with another, the more they keep coming back for more commiseration! If a heavy set person starts telling you how bad they feel, most people think it is OK to say, “I’m sorry, you know, it’s not really your fault. After all its genetics, thyroid issues, etc.” What happens when they get that response?  They keep coming back!

Granted it’s not polite to say to them, “then get off your fat buns and do something about it.” BUT, if you are setting a high goal of health for yourself, that person will naturally shy away from you. They know intuitively, as they see you pack your bag for a lunchtime workout, they won’t get much sympathy. You scare them away by setting higher standards.

 

BIG Goals scare people away because they suffer internally by comparison.

This cuts down in interruptions, distractions, and people telling you their problems. FOCUS comes from setting a higher standard than your peers. An added benefit is that the only people who will interrupt you are the people who have high standards and the exchanges will be more in the form of support, encouragement and sharing of tips that help you refine and master your craft. These can be good because they actually boost your energy, efficiency and the time spent for the interruption is time saved with what is learned by sharing.

Welcome the adversity and feelings of “being alone” in your singular pursuit. This creates focus. Here’s a supportive quote.

“When everyone is thinking the same, no one is thinking.” ~JW

 

Let’s recap these three steps:

1. Be clear on who you are and what skill you want to master (internal mindset)

2. Set Goals in that skillset that are HUGE, stretch yourself as high and far as you can go!

3. Get comfortable with scaring other people away and being alone…set a higher standard. Your only interruptions will be from others with high goals. Those interruptions will be fewer but very supportive!

 “The road to real achievement is usually bumpy and long, but you do not give up. You may have setbacks. You may have to start over. You may have to change your methods. You may have to go around, or over, or under. You may have to back up and get another start. But you do not quit. You stay the course.” ~JW

To your continued success,

James, Executive Business Coach

Learn more about Coach John Wooden here:  www.coachwooden.com

How to Succeed: 4 Master Steps

In the science of Neuro Linguistic Programming, (NLP), one of the fundamental skills is modeling. NLP is the study of how to be excellent at something. If someone is getting excellent results then there has to be a pattern that can be replicated for someone else to be successful too.

In looking at diets for instance, whether you are South Beach, Atkins, Paleo, Weight Watchers or any other, the same pattern for getting results stands true. Basically, the body absorbs calories in the following order: simple sugars/carbohydrates (most processes things like high fructose corn syrup, sugar, pasta, etc.), next is complex carbohydrates that come from fruits and vegetables with higher fiber content, next is fats and last is proteins.

The common pattern in all of the diets is that you cut out the first source, simple sugars/carbohydrates, and most of the second. Then, your body is trained to use fat as energy. Hence, effective reconditioning of the body use fat as its primary energy resource.

What does this have to do with self-help, motivation and living the life of your dreams?

Every successful person has followed these basic 4 Steps to Success.  Most self help program covers many, or just one, of the following 4 Steps to Success.

1. Become Definite about your Mission, Purpose, or Path in Life.

2. Release any and all negative associations that aren’t in alignment with your Mission or Purpose.

3. Create a Master Plan to build and create something that provides an emotional experience for others that will help them to create/live their purpose. Build it!

4. Make sure the Tithe, give generously to complete the circuit of energy.

Follow these four steps and success will be knocking on your door sooner rather than later.

TO your continued success,

James

If you are stuck finding your Purpose, Clearing Negative emotions, creating a Master Plan or finding a worthwhile means for tithing, call for your “Success-Now” Session.

(919) 792-0085 

Happiness Project App Announcement

HAPPINESS! Could you use a little more of it in your world?

In an article by Rob Silverblatt, “The Science of Workplace Happiness,” April 14, 2010, “a recent study…indicated that just 45 percent of American workers are “satisfied” with their jobs” and “the lackluster economy has put a damper on upward and even lateral movement, leaving many workers feeling trapped in their current positions.”

WOW, that means that an estimated 55% of the American workplace just aren’t happy. In addition, the one key step that is needed for happiness, “the ability to be purposeful, grow, and achieve” is missing in the workplace today.

What is a person to do?

Well, there is a solution and it doesn’t entail quitting your job. Take a look at this new app that I have the pleasure of being a part of. It specifically addresses the Happiness Factor.

The “I Am Happy Project” is launching a mobile app called the “Happy Button” to help users improve their health, relationships, work and life by boosting their happiness. The app is free and will be available for download on October 1 at www.iamhappyproject.org and on Apple iTunes.

The Happy Button App has several functions to help users boost happiness:

  • A daily inspirational message to boost their happiness level.
  • Video messages about happiness from experienced life and business coaches.
  • Audio messages about happiness from experienced life and business coaches.
  • Blog posts about achieving happiness written by life and career coaches.
  • A simple question to measure where you fall on the happiness scale for the day.
  • Your average daily, weekly and monthly happiness measure.

I decided to be part of this project because after working with people for over 14 years, it amazed me how people value achievement, learning, growth, and prosperity but many times forget to add Happiness to the list. When I was contacted by Edwin about the Happiness Project, it resonated with me personally. In today’s world, there is a huge undercurrent of uncertainty and fear. Happiness is a lifeline for people struggling with career changes, financial stress and lack of a clear future. The purpose of this app is to help people work and live happily achieving with less stress, frustration, and anxiety, both at home and in the workplace.

 The app will be available for download through the Apple App Store and Google Play Store as of October 1 and later on Blackberry and Windows phones.  

About the I Am Happy Project: The I Am Happy Project is a non-profit organization with the mission of spreading happiness globally, one person at a time. In early 2009, Edwin Edebiri set out to shift people’s minds to happiness from the gloom and doom that dominates the news. The nonprofit is having an impact on our communities around the world, from Davis, California, to Chicago, Illinois, to orphanage homes in New Delhi, India and Benin City, Nigeria. I Am Happy Project groups are in 63 cities and 18 nations, representing every continent.

Join the Happiness Movement today and I look forward to hearing your feedback!

To your continued Happiness,

James

Need more happiness in your life? Call for a “Success-Now” Session and Change your happiness levels!  (919) 792-0085

10 Reasons You Need an Executive Business and Life Coach

“Coaching” has been the buzzword in the business world for many years now. Just like “financial investor” or “consultant” used to be the latest and greatest, you can now add “coach” to the list. Whether a person has an instant positive or less than favorable reaction to the title, the fact is that hiring a professional, results driven “financial investor,” “consultant” or “Coach” will help you get everything you want in life faster and easier.

But, how do you know if you are ready or not to build that coaching relationship right now?

Here are 10 Key Indicators that you may be ready to hire a seasoned, motivated Executive Business and Life Coach.

1. Facebook, Twitter and social media pursuits take up the majority of your time and energy; along with an almost phobic need to check emails and “be connected” online. While business owners and executives may not be motivated to play online games like XBOX, social media can be an alternative that is just as dangerous. It can cause a serious lack of focus, the ability to effectively prioritize, drain the most precious asset of time and impede the development of strategic business relationships.

2. Panic and anxiety come crashing down upon you when you think of marketing your business. Every business needs a short and long term marketing strategy. Every SEO person will tell you that the best way to get on the first page of Google or any other search engine is consistently develop and publish your thoughts, ideas and create products. There is no “overnight” SEO Magic pill. Your businesses success depends on a solid short and long term strategic marketing plan.

3. Self help is your middle name. If your self help library contains more books, executive book summaries, podcasts and CD’s than you could ever read or listen to or if you have logged more seminar time than vacation time in the last year, you may be distracting yourself from really growing your business. Education is important but if it is excessive, there may be a real imbalance between education and effective action.

4. Following on the heels of self-help overload comes “buying overload.” Do you keep getting seduced by that next best thing or opportunity to grow your business? Do you spend a large portion of your income on “get rich quick” opportunities, hoping for that magic pill to fix everything? If you keep “buying into that next opportunity” before mastering the current one, that spells trouble and shows a lack of commitment and focus.

5. Working hard with no results. Results are great and the best results also include growth. Are you living comfortably in complacency? If excitement in your job has been replaced by stress from more and more demands to produce results, fear of being downsized or replaced by a younger “you” or feeling disconnected from the company you put your heart and soul into, an Executive Business Coach can get you results. And, if you are contemplating something BIG like a finding a new job or even a new career path…support is critical.

6. The question, “What’s wrong with me?” invades your mind throughout the day. Some of the greatest indicators you may need an Executive Business Coach can be found by being aware of your thoughts and the questions you ask yourself everyday. If you find yourself thinking that no matter what you do it will never be enough or you daydream of that secure 8-5 job that doesn’t carry any stress, those are the forerunners of depression, stress and low self esteem. Be careful and aware of your thoughts, feelings and emotional states.

7. You walk in the front door at home feeling angry and want to metaphorically, “kick the dog.” Are you feeling proud at the end of the day because you did all you needed to do to support your family? Do you have a loving relationship where you walk in happy, proud, and excited to be home? Or, are you moody, critical and grumpy because you just brought the stress of work home with you? Successful people are able to work hard when it work time and play hard when it is play time. They have work-life relationships that are balanced, harmonious and work well together. One does not suffer because of the other.

8. You feel trapped and alone. The higher an executive rises in a company or the longer an entrepreneur owns a company, the more isolated and alone they can feel. As responsibility increases, it is harder to take the problems and concerns to upper managament, they can’t be shared with people or employees below them and taking them home to the spouse only means disaster. The most unconditional form of support any business executive or entrepreneur can have is their coach. The ability to hear yourself talk things out is one of the greatest aspects of the coaching relationship.

9. There is a lack of mojo. Top entrepreneurs and business executives lead fearless lives. They are movers and shakers, drivers of business, creative stimuli that stay flexible, dynamic and are always on the move. If you have lost your energy, motivation and drive to be successful, you need some serious help. Being at the top means being at the top mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Being able to move and motivate others is key for a successful entrepreneur and executive.

10. You are asking, “what is this all for, anyway?” Do you lack purpose? Are you truly fulfilled? Do you dream of early retirement so you can just quit? (Did I just really type that word?) Many people forgo their dreams of writing that book, starting a side business or just “doing what they want to instead of what they have too.” It is never too late to integrate dreams and goals instead of seperating them “until later.”

11. BONUS Indicator: You read this article. The simple fact you were led to this article and read it, means you may be ready for coaching. So many of my clients are drawn to the coaching process due to an “emptiness” or feeling of “wanting more.” They don’t know how to fill those needs or experience the peace, relaxation, or happiness they so desire.

How many of the above Indicators could you relate too? If you or anyone you know wants to experience “Success-Now,” call to set up a complimentary 1-hour session to explore how a motivated, seasoned Executive Business and Life Coach can dramatically help change your life. Not ready yet? That’s OK, sign up at www.evolutionforsuccess.com to receive weekly tips on motivation, healthy thinking and a better life.

How to manage time…1 Simple Solution

Over the weekend a friend asked how business was going and I heard myself say, “I need the world to stop for 4 months so I can get everything done I want to…and then have it re-engage.” I got to thinking about what I said later that evening and I realized if that was truly the case…I wasn’t managing time effectively at all. How does an entrepreneur/CEO/Executive manage time better? Here is one simple solution…

First, accept the fact that you can not manage time. It isn’t time that needs to be managed but your mental focus and actions. A persons mental focus will always be in one of three places at any given time. the past, present or future and each one has a definitive purpose.

Looking back to the past allows us to reflect on successes and failures (which are just opportunities to learn). Understanding the successes and failures of the past allows a person to take useful strategies forward and find new ways to use and apply them. It also allows us to identify negative actions and behaviors and reframe them into positive “learnings” so any negative emotions disappear and new possibilities for how a person “could choose” to do things differently in the future are uncovered.

Focusing on the Future is crucial because it allows a person to focus on one of the greatest human needs…becoming more. If we are not growing we are dying, it is a fundamental law of nature. The challenge is that some people focus on growing more that is positive and some people get into the trap of growing more of what they don’t want. A positive future opens the door to possiblities, growth, and “more” of life. The negative future, signalled by statements like “I don’t know or want…” only perpetuates negativity, scarcity and disempowering emotions.

And last place your focus can be is in the present, being immersed in the exact action, thought, belief and feeling right NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW…and NOW. The present is the hardest to focus on because the mind is constantly pulled between the past and future.

THE SIMPLE SOLUTION…HERE IT IS!

Future—Past—Present

Focus on exactly what you want in the future…(not what you don’t want, but what you do)
Think about what tools, strategies and resources you need to be creative, industrious and solution oriented FROM THE PAST
Combine both into ACTION NOW in the PRESENT clear of any distractions.

Oh yeah, celebrate your success from doing something different today! When applied consistently, you will find yourself more motivated, inspired, fearless, and results will start to show!

If you find yourself lacking focus, a fearless attitude, or clear direction forward…call today for your “Success-Now!” Session. (919) 792-0085.

In the month of August, email me at james@evolutionforsuccess.com with the word 30-Day Challenge. I will send you a 30-Day Success Sheet and two complimentary 15-minute checkin’s, personally with me, as my way of saying thank you for your support over the years!

To your continued success,

James

Happiness Formula Revealed…

If you are looking for the magic formula for more “HAPPINESS,” look no further. Like all new ways of thinking and believing, they stick around longer when they are anchored into our neurology. Take this 31 day Happiness Challenge everyday in July and see how your life changes in the next month. Here are the steps:

1. Journal:
A. List three problems that you are thankful for (the reasons you are thankful must be to remind you something you know you are in the core of your being or what there is to learn from the problem, the learning of which will empower you with a new belief that will better you. Example, “I am thankful that I am scared to death of making these business cold calls this week because it will help be breakthrough my fear of being good enough, overcome caring so much about what other people think of me, and allow my business to go the next level by brining in clients and revenue so that I can take another vacation and help another person change their life)
B. Journal any other thoughts, ideas or concepts worth nothing and thank your unconscious mind for giving you those ideas and insights (regardless of if they are negative or positive)

2. Exercise: Put some form of physical movement in your day. A minimum of 20-minutes out in the sun for some vitamin D. Anything to get some additional oxygen to your mind and body, get your lymph system going and get those natural feel good drugs released (as my daughter says, “get those ‘indoor-friends’ moving” (endorphins)

3. Meditation: Meditation is proven to support a healthier immune system, relaxation and stress release. To get in the habit I suggest just meditating to your favorite song without words. Or, sit in your car before or after work for as little as just two minutes and clear your mind, practice turning off your brain.

4. Perform one meaningful, random act of kindness. It has to be meaningful which means it involves something that is emotional. An example, everytime I take my kids to McD’s, I ALWAYS put my change and a few dollars in the Ronald McDonald box because I know what they did for one of my clients who they supported when his son needed a brain operation. It immediately fills my heart with thankfulness and I think of the families in need who will have kids in similiar situations and all the good it will do for them.

Feelings need to be cultivated. They need to be cared for, watered, nurtured and supported so they can grow and produce fruit! Try this challenge for 31-days with me and see how it changes your life.

TO your continued success,

James

PS-Email me at James@evolutionforsuccess with the word “Happiness” in the subject line and I will gladly send you a daily “Happiness” form you can use for the month of July.

You have problems, compared to what…?

Bad Monday

Are you having a bad day? I thought I was one day last week. I was going to be late for an appointment and I was really frustrated since being late is one of my pet peeves. My frustration level grew as I turned off the highway and my forward progress came to a screeching halt. In front of me was an accident and a long line of backed up cars. As I took the detour in front of me, I snapped the picture you see in the post above. An interesting thing happened as I drove past this accident. Somehow, seeing the plight of this truck driver, putting myself in his shoes, and thinking about the phone call he was going to have to make to his boss put my problem (frustrated by being 10 minutes late) into perspective.

One of the greatest questions I ask clients when they are frustrated and angry at a problem in life is, “OK, its bad, but compared to what?” As human beings, it is easy to get wrapped up in OUR life, OUR problems, OUR perspectives, and OUR beliefs. To jumpstart the process of getting a person out of their OWN way so they can work to a solution, just ask, “Compared to what?” When we shift our attention to the plight of others, the challenges of others, the life circumstances of others (that we can relate too) it helps to put things into a different perspective. When you can shift your “referential index,” how you are referring to something, with a different perspective, it lessens the emotional impact so you can think more clear and see the opportunities to think or do something different.

It is not to be used as a justification for NOT doing something different but a means of getting unstuckk so you can find a new solution and take action to achieve a different outcome. Next time you are stuck and think something in your life really stinks…just state the problem and then ask yourself, “Ok, this stinks but compared to what?” So you thought you were having a bad day, compared to what?

In the end, my ten minutes late was nothing compared to the delays this driver faced, his boss faced, and their clients and their customers may have faced. It’s good to keep life in perspective.

If you are feeling stuck and frustrated with your job, career, relationships or finances…CALL today to schedule your Introductory Strategy Session to start moving forward again. (919) 792-0085

To your continued success,

James

Living a Life of Purpose & Meaning

Last January 31st, U.S. Marine Sgt. William Stacey was killed during his fourth deployment to Afghanistan. Yesterday, his last letter was read to his fellow Marines to commemorate Memorial Day. His dream, his life purpose, was to provide the children of Afghanistan an opportunity to get an education, attend school and achieve something better for their lives.

He wrote, “There will be a child who will live because men left the security they enjoyed in their home to come to his,” Stacey wrote in his letter. “He will have the gift of freedom which I have enjoyed for so long myself, and if my life brings the safety of a child who will one day change the world, then I know that it was all worth it.”

As a veteran, there is nothing quite like the camaraderie experienced while serving this great country. Every soldier has their personal reasons for serving, but a bigger vision, meaning and purpose brings the individuals, families, communities, and branches of service together to form this great nation.

Ghandi stated, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” As individuals in the civilian world, it is critical at the individual level to make sure we live and create our personal vision, meaning and life purpose. We are responsible for having that vision to bring our families, communities and country together. Sometimes, this can be challenging since we are not in a system like the military that more naturally promotes it.

A person’s fulfillment in life comes through having a vision. It can be as simple as the one shared by Sgt. Stacey. Many people struggle to find it, but if you are willing, it is out there waiting for you. You may ask yourself, “Why is it so important to have a vision, a purpose and a meaning for life?” Because living a life of purpose allows you to rise to a challenge, overcome obstacles, feel strong and powerful and make a difference in life.

Sculptor Henry Moore stated, “The secret of life is to have a task, something to devote your entire life to; something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing is, it must be something you cannot possibly do!” Moore’s task was to be the greatest sculptor every known and know it!

And sometimes, in order to bring the world, a country, and a community together; all it takes is the courage and conviction of one person. A person who lives a life based on values of freedom, duty, selflessness and sacrifice in service of others.

As Steven Chandler states in his book, Fearless, “Courage inspires…even the courage of a fearless, impossible vision.” One person can make a difference in this world if they are true to their purpose, live fearless, and live a life devoted to a task they can’t complete. Because in the end, they may just do it!

Thank you to every veteran who has served this great country and to those who gave us the gift of freedom with their life.

If you know the vision, purpose and meaning for your life, I would love to read about it below. If you are still searching, call today for your complimentary strategy session. (919) 792-0085

Searching for your life purpose? Call 919-792-0085 for a free strategy session!

After Thanksgiving Thought

Thank you to everyone who sent out their warm wishes for Thanksgiving. It is important to stop at times and remember all of the things in life that we are thankful for; friends, family, job, career, health, etc.

I was thinking about the holiday and wondered what it would be like if, in order to balance out Thanksgiving, we had a Receiving Day?

Some people have a hard time receiving the gifts offered to them and it costs them their self-confidence, personal power and self-worth.

It reminded me of the story of the little girl who was so excited and grateful that she and her daddy went out for ice cream. She got a big scoop of vanilla on a sugar cone and it was looking so good. As she stepped outside of the ice cream shop, she tripped forward and “SPLAT” went the ball of ice cream on the ground. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked up at her daddy. But then, she noticed the sign in the window behind her daddy of a sugar cone with two and three scoops of ice cream. So, she started begging daddy to get the two and three scoop ice cream cones to replace the one she had just tipped off the cone. Did Dad go for it and get her the two or three scoop cone? No. If you can’t handle one scoop of ice cream, why would someone turn around and give you even more than you can handle?

The same principle applies with receiving.

When someone pays you a compliment, do you feel uncomfortable and do you feel automatically compelled to give that person a compliment in return? If someone offers to buy you lunch, do you start playing the “see who can sneak the credit card to the waiter first” game? If someone gives you a gift, do you feel compelled to get them a gift in return?

If the answer is yes, you might want to ask yourself whether or not it’s because you place less value and worth in yourself than the person giving you a gift. You send a signal to yourself that you are somehow a little “less than” or not as deserving as others might think. Talk about an undermining belief pattern!

In order to handle a second and third scoop, master the phrase, “Thank you.” And let it go.

That can be tricky since reciprocating is also a form of politeness, but then again, so is accepting a compliment graciously.

As often as you can, practice graciously accepting what your friends, co-workers, clients and life are offering you. Don’t be too quick to dismiss someone’s appreciation of you in an effort to appear humble.

Be a thankful and a gracious receiver.

Nothing is too small to be grateful for. Practice receiving compliments, money, and gifts this season with a simple and sincere, “Thank you.”

It may seem odd at first, but what you receive in return will be a real gift!

Thank you!!!

 

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9 Quick Tips To Boost Your Self Esteem

Feeling good about yourself is a wonderful feeling. So why don’t we do it more often?

True and lasting self-esteem is a combination of feeling good at about yourself for something specific you have done and a more permanent deep-seated feeling of self-worth. That deep-rooted belief is based on the conclusions you draw about yourself over time. It’s something that can be developed and fostered.

Here are 9 simple tips to feel better about yourself and grow your self-esteem.

 

 1. Focus on your character, not simply your achievements. Challenge yourself! Take on project you find a bit intimidating and give yourself a chance to astonish yourself! Give yourself a chance to prove to yourself that you are in fact quite remarkable in many ways. You may not conquer every challenge, but each time you tackle something and overcome obstacles it provides another opportunity to reinforce and acknowledge positive aspects of yourself. And when you do overcome those challenges, resist the temptation to minimize the effort and strength it took to overcome them. For example, praise the perseverance it took to finally get that new job or the commitment it took to follow through and make that sale or stick to your exercise plan. Achieving is never an All-or-Nothing experience: you will make mistakes along the way and fall off the wagon from time to time. Those setbacks don’t define you, the character you show and develop along the way does.

 

2. Be wary of expectations. Once you have achieved a goal, it’s natural to automatically take it for granted and raise the bar. That’s a good thing! We are programmed to want more. Yet, make sure you “go for more” in a realistic way. It is more feasible to go from running a 5K race to a 10K race, instead of from a 5K race to a marathon. So, give yourself plenty of opportunities to succeed by making your goals realistic.

 

3. Acknowledge your successes. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back for what you have done –now and in the past. If you have not listed all the successes in your life to date, you will probably forget them. Stop and take stock once in a while. Recognize your past successes. Try something different and write them down. It’s called positive stacking. Just as we sometimes stack negatively and start focusing only on the negative, you can consciously direct your mind to focus on the long list of things you have accomplished that show your character. And don’t fall in the comparison trap. Being competitive can be a great motivator, but don’t let comparisons define your worth.

 

4. Stop the negative self-talk. Stand guard at the doorway of your mind, for what you let in is what you become! People who feel good about themselves, talk and think good about themselves. Watch out for negative thought patterns like jumping to negative conclusions about other people’s actions for instance and assuming they are judging you negatively (most of the time, their behavior is not about you!). Challenge your negative or flawed thinking. Just because you feel incompetent doesn’t mean that you are. Refrain from –even jokingly– putting yourself down; over time, you will start believing your self put-downs. When you realize you are engaging in negative self talk, systematically interrupting your pattern will pay off! And for goodness sake, stop saying, “I’m Sorry!

 

5. Master a skill, pastime, sport, or other life interest. Become good at something that you love and are interested in. Mastery of anything is a key ingredient in maintaining a high opinion of yourself. So master something, anything that makes you feel special!

 

6. Pay attention to the image your project. Although it may sound simplistic, by acting as if you have self-esteem, you are sending positive messages about your self-image to the subconscious. This is a form of self-respect and positive self talk that become who you are –just like habitual negative self talk became ingrained. So, don’t neglect the way you look and what you do with your body. Dress nicely, pay attention to your personal grooming, work out so you have some physical energy and pep. Be mindful of your physiology so that you walk, stand, and sit as if you felt sure of yourself. Smile. Act the part until it becomes habitual.

 

7. Focus on what you can control and influence, not what you can’t. Many things in life are out of our control and influence. However, focusing on what is within your control and influence allows you to feel more in control of your life. Always look to take positive action on what is within your control and influence and let go of the rest.

 

8. Develop a supportive social network. We all rise and fall to the level of our peer group. If you are not involved in a positive and non judgmental peer group, get a new one! Don’t be a stepping stone for someone else’s self-esteem. You don’t need to let yourself be made less of so that someone else can feel good about themselves. Surround yourself with a peer group that has the mindset, the values, and the interests that you do.

 

9. Help others. Stop thinking about yourself so much! Focus your mind outside of yourself. It is always worthwhile to make others aware of their worth. In fact, make it a habit to notice the positive in others so it becomes more natural to notice the positive traits in yourself. But more importantly, when you make a difference in someone else’s life, it is easy to feel great about yourself. Allow yourself the satisfaction that giving brings. And as a bonus, when they thank you for being part of their life, don’t be too quick to push it off or minimize it for the sake of humility. Accept their compliment as an extra affirmation of you with a simple, “Thank You!”

 

Whatever a person believes about themselves is true. Self-esteem is not something you are born with. It is a muscle that is built with time, consistency and conditioning! It takes time to integrate new practices into your life but eventually they become what you do, then show up in what you have, and eventually they become your identity as who you are.

 

This article was first published on http://ezinearticles.com/?9-Quick-Tips-To-Boost-Your-Self-Esteem&id=6544585, and shared here because it’s awesome. For more tips and strategies about increasing your self-esteem, confidence, motivation and personal effectiveness, go to http://www.evolutionforsuccess.com. James Murphy is a personal development expert as well as an executive and life coach. He can be reached directly at 919-745-7569.

As Featured On EzineArticles

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4 Steps to Increase Your Self-Confidence Today!

One dose of self-confidence for the guy in the corner, please!

There are two core basic needs that everyone strives to have fulfilled in their life: experience unconditional love and have a sense of value and worth.

Everyone works to meet these internally and externally.
The problem is that the needs have to be met internally first, otherwise, no matter how much love a person gets from others or how much other people to work to build their sense of value and worth, it will never be enough and a void will be present.

Self-confidence needs to be nurtured on four different levels:

  • mental,
  • emotional,
  • physical and
  • spiritual.

So, that begs the question, “How can a person develop more self-confidence” for themselves internally?

Glad you asked!

You develop self confidence when, you decide to take a specific action, so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself, and then celebrate your success.

Let’s break it down and see why this seems so simple and yet it can be so challenging to accomplish.

1- “you need to decide.”

This is challenging because this step requires a person to really stop, define what is important to them, and CHOOSE what action to take that will lead them to a desired outcome.

This action has to be for you, about you, and be meaningful to you and you alone. It can’t PRIMARILY be for your spouse, kids, preacher, mom, dad, friends, or any other social influence. It has to be for you first.

2 – it has to be a specific action

Specific and measureable actions mean that once you have achieved the action you have to be aware of it. This gives absolute proof so you can’t talk yourself out of celebrating!

It is not enough to say that you are going to call some people. You have to specific, “I am going to call 5 prospects today and ask for referrals.” Even then, some people say, “well, I did call 5, but I could have called 10.” That’s a no-no!

3- “so you can earn and deserve.”
I have said it a thousand times. When you define any goal, you automatically put all of your obstacles in place. If you are going to feel good about yourself, you have to set a specific goal meaningful to you and take action to overcome the obstacles (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) the goal came with, before you feel that you have “earned and deserve” the right to feel good about yourself.

“Earned and deserve” implies that you have put some work, overcome adversity, and succeeded in the task you set out for yourself. This is where self respect, integrity, honor, and courage are bred.

Then and only then, when all three steps have been accomplished INSIDE OF YOURSELF can you really feel like you deserve that feeling of self-confidence. It is not free. Self-confidence does not just stop by, ring the doorbell, share a pizza with you on the couch, and miraculously, when you get up the next morning, you have lost a pound, feel great about yourself, and are full of energy! Would be terrific if it worked that way, but sadly, it does not!

4- once you achieve your goals, you have to celebrate!
And, I recommend that you celebrate at 100%. If you want the self-confidence to stick, you had better celebrate and anchor in the great feelings.

If you talk yourself out of your success with language such as, “Yeah, but I should have done more, I could have been better, I need to work harder” Self-confidence does not stay for long. It is good for you to acknowledge yourself and being great, working hard, and achieving success.

NOTHING IS TOO SMALL TO CELEBRATE!

So, there you have it! Self-confidence in a can!

Comment below and let me know what you do to develop confidence in your life. I bet your list is a lot longer than you think it is!

Your Beliefs Hold the Key to Your Results and Your Success

Have you ever been wrong?

Our beliefs –whether rooted in the truth or not– are directly connected to the results we get and the personal and professional success we experience.

In our subdivision, there is a very large fountain that welcomes visitors and residents into the neighborhood. My son Nicolas and I were out running the other day, and as we approached the fountain, I noticed it was not working. I made an offhand comment to Nicolas, something to the effect of, “That’s strange, they don’t have the fountain on today.” Quick as a whistle, Nicolas said, “That’s OK Dad. I will make it come on in 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. NOW! Look, its magic!” And, the fountain turned on!

There was another time during my military training where we had to qualify with our M-16’s. I had never qualified “Expert” in any of our training and there were very few of us who were optimistic about their performance on qualification day. It’s hard to shoot straight when you are sleep deprived and shivering in 40 degree, rainy weather! As you could surmise, many of my colleagues were very competitive and there was a lot of posturing over who would score Expert and who wouldn’t. When all was said and done I scored 39 hits out of 40, an Expert. It was the best I had ever shot. As I walked back, I was still in disbelief. It took me a while to believe I had could have, and did, perform so well.

Each of us possess beliefs we hold to be true that have been created or that we adopted from peers and society. I have to ask, “Have you ever been wrong?”

  • What do others believe to be true about you and your life right now?
  • What do you believe to be true about you and your life right now?
  • What if what you thought was true, was in fact wrong?
Other peoples’ beliefs about you and what you are capable of achieving in life are not true. Whatever you or others think you are; you are more than that. Whatever you or others think you can achieve in life, you can achieve more than that. Other people’s beliefs do not determine your results, however, your beliefs do determine your results. Many times success in life comes by being one step ahead of the norms and beliefs that society holds to be true.

And as for the mystery of the fountain, I had been looking down as Nicolas and I were running. I did not see that the fountain stopped half a second before I looked up. As a result, what I perceived to be true, was wrong. Many times in life our perceptions of what is true, are false.

The people who succeed in the next ten years and experience prosperity will be able to challenge what they and others believe to be right. What if now was the best time to invest, make money, and succeed?

If you find yourself stuck with no way out, not believing in yourself, or surrounded by others who are sharing their doom and gloom, ask yourself, “Have I (or they) ever been wrong? What if they were?”

There is amazing potential and opportunity waiting for you in life at this very moment. In order to seize these opportunities, you might have to challenge someone’s long held belief, and maybe even a few of your own!

 

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