I often tell people that, “I am my own best client.” Being an Executive Life Coach gives me the privilege to meet an amazing array of successful leaders, from business owners to executives. Together, we establish new patterns of success, explore more effective ways to approach challenges, and set up strategies to stay on track.
And although a lot happens during a call, a large portion of the work happens outside of a coaching session –namely the client has to engage the motivation to take action and implement the strategies from the call. Here are 7 simple strategies you can use to coach *yourself* whether or not you are in fact working with an executive coach.
1- Stop for a few moments every morning and reconnect with your life’s purpose, truths and desires. Take a look at the big picture of what you want to create, your mission, purpose, and desires for the future. Really focus on getting to your place of truth of what you most desire. Go deeper than, “win the lottery, get a date, take my kids to school and relax tonight watching tv.” Find a moment to reflect on the inner truths of your life. It will serve and guide your decisions and actions the rest of the day.
2- Make a list of the top 3-5 very specific things you are fearing, procrastinating or just plain old scared to death to do. They should be things that are moving you towards your purpose, truth, mission, and desires from step #1. I often ask myself, “If I were to die tonight, what would I do today to die a whole and complete man, knowing that I lived my purpose? What small challenges would I overcome for my own personal triumphs?” Remember the 80-20 rule? That top 20% is the sum of the small action items where you are currently out of integrity because you may be fearful and procrastinating.
3- Move your body to motivate yourself to kick some ass: personally and with others. Pick up that old song, move your body and sing at the top of your lungs. You have to move if you want to create energy. Remember, force = mass X acceleration. If you never move your mass, you will never start to accelerate your life and it will never have any energy. You have to move! We are made to move. Drop the expectations of hours at the gym, do something simple, stretch, walk, and find a way to move! Listen to that song, put your chin up and shoulders back, take a deep breath from down in your diaphragm. Enjoy the feeling!
4- Break the rules. Even yours sometimes! I’m not talking about doing something to get youself in jail but if you would never roll down the windows and sing at the top of your lungs…do it. Break some small rules to experience that little emotional “Yeah” (I repeat, nothing against the law! :D) People stuck in their lives of hum-drum will just tell you to be quiet and keep things even keeled, but emotional moment sticks with you!!! So bring in the passion! Dare to go against expectations, take a risk or buck conventions a bit!
5- Find a peer group to create leverage to complete items #1-4. We all need some outside support to achieve our dreams. I have three very close people (besides my wife) who help to keep me focused, energized and accountable to what I say I am going to do. It is great to have a full life and share it with others. You guys know who you are and “YOU ROCK!” They are my greatest cheer team and they also hold nothing back in terms of direct feedback! Remember, no one stands up and the Oscars to accept the award and says, “Yeah man, I deserve this. I worked my butt off and no one helped me at all. I am the man.” Instead, they always have people to thank for their success. Who would you thank?
6- Learn something new that is of interest to you and apply it. Read all you can and immerse yourself in developing your personal interests. It will build into your life creativity, mastery of skill, and it will become not what you know, but who you are. And, remember to apply one thing you learn everyday until it is mastered in your life.
7- Last and best… Remember to work from you places of strength, not weakness. Remember the basic principles that define who you are and how you want to live your life. Remember that while you may be driving to fix and change something in your life, you are also perfect the way you are now. Remember to stay focused on your basic strengths and use them. If you are a person whose strength is mastering a single task, then become the first chair soloist. And if you are a big picture strategist, become the conductor of the orchestra. Both need each other! Stay focused on who you are and what you can become. Stay away from focusing on what you are not and what you “should” become.
There might be a time when you decide that you need the support and expert guidance of an executive life coach, but there are many times when you can take the task on yourself. These 7 steps can help you to coach yourself.
To your continued success,
Throughout time there have always been stories of knights, damsels in distress, Kings & Queens, Dragons and Magicians. One of the greatest magicians of lore was Merlin. And for the younger generation, I guess we have to include Dumbledore!
And inevitably, the magician always seems to fade into obscurity as humankind moves from the age of creativity, possibility and imagination to logic, reason and commerce. Did you ever stop to see how the story parallels the human condition?
As a child, anything is possible. Building castles in the sky, creating something from nothing and turning lead into gold. When I started coaching full time in 1999 with Tony Robbins Companies, my wife gave me a small Hallmark ornament of a magician, arms outstretched, in the clouds and a rainbow behind him. I have it on my desk and see it every day to remind me of certain things.
The magician is in all of us, you have talents and skills to create something bigger of yourself and your impact in life.
What is it and how can you reconnect to it? By looking through your experiences of life and seeing what no one else sees! Then asking, “where are my opportunities to create?”
My neighbor is an engineer and he is always looking at things like a simple light switch and is amazed how it works, but more importantly, he naturally sees even deeper than that. He asks, “Who was the person who was able to dream it, create it and make it work?” That is what he naturally wants to know and apply. That is how he creates his own magic.
I see people every day who tell me their problems. As they speak, somehow I am able to see the expressions, gestures, thoughts inside their mind; I can see their goals, challenges, emotions, and more importantly for my clients I can see the patterns of how it all connects. From there, I see the pathway of possibility and infinite potential for them to overcome it all. Somehow, that is how I create magic. And yet, I walk past a light switch every day without naturally noticing the magic there. But when I see it through my neighbor’s eyes, the light switch comes on and I see the magic he creates!
Being a magician and creating magic comes from being curious, learning, growing, and seeing the infinite potentiality in you, others, places and/or things in a way no one else does. It is noticing it in a way that is unique to you! Most of us shut down our internal magician with the thoughts that come right after these magic moments of awareness. Those poor questions come out like, “But how could I do that, what will people think, I don’t have the money, I don’t have the time, I’m not good enough” With those thoughts, your magician slips away and becomes a thing of the past.
Ask yourself this, “Where is the magic in your business, relationships, finances, physical health? What do you see that others don’t?”
Magic comes from knowing yourself and working what you have inside. Increase your awareness of your environment and take notice of what is important to you.
Be the magician, connect with your creativity, imagination and appreciate your special view of the world. Through that gift, work your magic. You will see a path that others don’t, be able to lead them down it, and bring out the infinite potential of yourself and them.
There are still dragons to slay, damsels to rescue, sunsets to ride off into and magic to work! And, if you look in the right place and work your magical gifts, you will find that Merlin is still very much alive.
One dose of self-confidence for the guy in the corner, please!
There are two core basic needs that everyone strives to have fulfilled in their life: experience unconditional love and have a sense of value and worth.
Everyone works to meet these internally and externally.
The problem is that the needs have to be met internally first, otherwise, no matter how much love a person gets from others or how much other people to work to build their sense of value and worth, it will never be enough and a void will be present.
Self-confidence needs to be nurtured on four different levels:
- physical and
So, that begs the question, “How can a person develop more self-confidence” for themselves internally?
Glad you asked!
You develop self confidence when, you decide to take a specific action, so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself, and then celebrate your success.
Let’s break it down and see why this seems so simple and yet it can be so challenging to accomplish.
1- “you need to decide.”
This is challenging because this step requires a person to really stop, define what is important to them, and CHOOSE what action to take that will lead them to a desired outcome.
This action has to be for you, about you, and be meaningful to you and you alone. It can’t PRIMARILY be for your spouse, kids, preacher, mom, dad, friends, or any other social influence. It has to be for you first.
2 – it has to be a specific action
Specific and measureable actions mean that once you have achieved the action you have to be aware of it. This gives absolute proof so you can’t talk yourself out of celebrating!
It is not enough to say that you are going to call some people. You have to specific, “I am going to call 5 prospects today and ask for referrals.” Even then, some people say, “well, I did call 5, but I could have called 10.” That’s a no-no!
3- “so you can earn and deserve.”
I have said it a thousand times. When you define any goal, you automatically put all of your obstacles in place. If you are going to feel good about yourself, you have to set a specific goal meaningful to you and take action to overcome the obstacles (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) the goal came with, before you feel that you have “earned and deserve” the right to feel good about yourself.
“Earned and deserve” implies that you have put some work, overcome adversity, and succeeded in the task you set out for yourself. This is where self respect, integrity, honor, and courage are bred.
Then and only then, when all three steps have been accomplished INSIDE OF YOURSELF can you really feel like you deserve that feeling of self-confidence. It is not free. Self-confidence does not just stop by, ring the doorbell, share a pizza with you on the couch, and miraculously, when you get up the next morning, you have lost a pound, feel great about yourself, and are full of energy! Would be terrific if it worked that way, but sadly, it does not!
4- once you achieve your goals, you have to celebrate!
And, I recommend that you celebrate at 100%. If you want the self-confidence to stick, you had better celebrate and anchor in the great feelings.
If you talk yourself out of your success with language such as, “Yeah, but I should have done more, I could have been better, I need to work harder” Self-confidence does not stay for long. It is good for you to acknowledge yourself and being great, working hard, and achieving success.
NOTHING IS TOO SMALL TO CELEBRATE!
So, there you have it! Self-confidence in a can!
Comment below and let me know what you do to develop confidence in your life. I bet your list is a lot longer than you think it is!
Evolution For Success
James M Murphy
10840 Bedfordtown Drive
Raleigh, North Carolina 27614
(919) 745-7569 - Direct
(919) 792-0085 - Office
Our Coaching Clients
We specialize in helping entrepreneurs, business owners or executives become more effective in their personal and professional life by overcoming personal obstacles standing in the way of living the life they truly want. Typical clients include executives, realtors, consultants, financial advisors, attorneys, health care professionals such as chiropractors and physicians, and business owners.
What We Do
Consulting & Training
Emotional Release Strategies
Executive Coach Training