When people talk about changing their life, they are really talking about changing the quality and intensity of the emotions they consistently experience. There are certain emotional states that we are driven towards and certain emotional states that we are driven away from.
Emotions give us insight into where we are incongruent in our values, beliefs, and unresolved signiﬁcant emotional events. The outcome of any coaching or intervention process is to ease emotional conﬂict within a person and increase wholeness by attaching new more empowering meanings to their experiences. That increases choice and wholeness within a person.
Here are the Top Ten Disempowering Emotions that people experience and the message they convey:
Message: When you feel bothered, impatient, bored, or irritated, this emotion is telling you that you can be more than who you currently are.
Solution: Need to change your emotional state, get clear on what you want, and take an immediate action to achieve/experience something new.
Message: When you feel concern, apprehension, worry or terror, this emotion is telling you that something is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for. This emotion gives you massive energy to prepare for the unforeseen.
Solution: Identify what is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for, ﬁnd a new solution and take action to confront and walk through the fear.
Message: When you feel a sense of loss or if means that an expectation has not been met. This is an important indicator that shows the depth of your caring about yourself of another individual/situation.
Solution: Identify if the expectation is still valid and useful. Is it your responsibility or someone else’s for the emotion of the moment? Identify what is within your direct control and inﬂuence to support the other person or yourself through the moment, adjust expectations for the future.
Message: When you feel irritated, angry, resentful, furious, livid, enraged, (usually from hurt) it is a ﬁre and depth of emotional energy to make things right. It means that a standard that you have is not being met by yourself or others.
Solution: Use this deep intense energy to adjust your standards for yourself or others and take an immediate action to move towards resolution to the challenge or issue.
Message: You keep trying the same thing to achieve your dreams/goals and it is not working.
Solution: Stay focused on your outcomes and change your approach. Try doing the exact opposite of what you are currently trying to get a different result.
Message: It shows the depth of your caring you feel towards the person/situation and the high standards that you have set.
Solution: Change your expectation, adjust the time frames on the goals or things that you want to have/experience and remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials. That old saying, “there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable time frames attached to them sometimes,” could be applicable.
Message: You violated a standard or belief that your hold true for yourself and you are not following through on what you know is best for you
Solution: Clean up your act! Step forward and do what you know is right and true for you independent of what others may think is “best for you” or “what you can or can not do”
8. Inadequacy / Self Doubt
Message: You feel less that worthy, your own value and worth is low
Solution: Use this emotion to set outcomes for you to learn, grow, and contribute to others.
Message: You are feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed because events are controlling you instead of you controlling events
Solution: Reevaluate what is truly important to you in life, distinguish between Must’s, Should’s and Want’s, then take action.
Message: Feeling alone and separate from others and you need a new form of connection
Solution: Find inside yourself a way to reconnect or look outside of yourself to your friends, family, peers, and groups to help those more in need.
These Top Ten Disempowering Emotions are calls to take action and unlocks more in life. With the understanding of the Message that they are trying to tell us and the Solution on how to work through them, life becomes easier and easier. You will always continue to experience these Top Ten Emotions in your life. A new paradigm of measuring success comes from decreasing the amount of time that it takes to understand the Message, ﬁnd a new solution, and take action to move through them every time you feel them.
When you work through your emotional states you begin to control your life instead of your life controlling you. That’s personal power!