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Build Unstoppable Confidence: Lead the Troops

Develop Unstoppable self esteem & self confidence in your team!Self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth are one of the principles of “self-help” that are constantly spoken, written, and talked about. Let’s take a look at what people really mean when they say they need more of them. What do people really mean when they say, “I need to work on my self-confidence?”

When I hear client tell me they need more self-confidence and self-worth, what I hear them really expressing is that they need a little more self-competence. Confidence is about having the BELIEF, or assurance that something is the way that it is. The word confidence is normally followed by the word, “in…” Most people want more confidence in their own self or in knowing they can perform a task. Who would turn down feeling more confident? Being confident unlocks other empowering emotional states, like courage and boldness that are vital in the pursuit of a worthy goal.

Quick example, let’s say a client wants more self-confidence in speaking to women. In order to be self-confident and to speak to a woman, he has to have spoken to women in the past in such a way that he remembers his successes at it. No past successes equals no feelings of self-confidence. What he really needs to build and develop are the skills to become more competent in speaking to women. When he becomes more competent at speaking to women, naturally, his confidence level will rise. While self-confidence is the BELIEF in the ability to perform a task, competence is built through the PROCESS of taking the actions necessary, suitable or required to complete a task.

We all have the need to grow. Our bodies are muscle machines that are built to take on resistance. Every muscle, fiber and tendon in our body is meant to handle stress and strain. When we take on resistance, we naturally become stronger. We build more muscle, the more we experience resistance. The less resistance we take on, the more we experience atrophy. We become weaker and weaker. People who want more self-confidence are simply not competent at doing something they really want to do.

However, have you seen the person who succeeds and still appears to have a low self-confidence? How does that happen? While developing competence at a task, there is trial and error; sometimes things work and sometimes not. If our hero mentioned above gets the courage to speak to a women ten times, there may be only two attempts that produce a positive result. Building a healthy level of competence comes on focusing and celebrating on the two things out of ten that were done RIGHT. That goes against all human nature. If you got a 97% on a school test, would that be enough, or would you be inclined to search through everything you got right to find that one question you got wrong?

Competence is built by focusing on what you did that was the best, and learn/forget the rest. Most people would never acknowledge the 97% of what was right on the test in their pursuit of finding what they missed. You’ll notice a pattern that all people with low self-confidence can always tell you what they have done incorrect, wrong, or poorly.

Self-confidence is the result of being Competent in a specific task or achievement. Competence is built by accepting challenges in the pursuit of a worthy goal; a person has to be willing to push through resistance to become stronger. As new actions are taken, staying focused on celebrating what is done right, (not wrong), will lay the foundation for competence and ultimately an unshakeable feeling of confidence.

To lead more effectively today:

  • Identify specific areas where a person wants to be more self-confident
  • Support them to develop a strategy to become more competent
  • Focus on catching people “doing things right” (they’re probably focusing on what’s wrong)
  • Celebrate competent actions, (they will be uncomfortable doing this, so push through)

 

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9 Quick Tips To Boost Your Self Esteem

Feeling good about yourself is a wonderful feeling. So why don’t we do it more often?

True and lasting self-esteem is a combination of feeling good at about yourself for something specific you have done and a more permanent deep-seated feeling of self-worth. That deep-rooted belief is based on the conclusions you draw about yourself over time. It’s something that can be developed and fostered.

Here are 9 simple tips to feel better about yourself and grow your self-esteem.

 

 1. Focus on your character, not simply your achievements. Challenge yourself! Take on project you find a bit intimidating and give yourself a chance to astonish yourself! Give yourself a chance to prove to yourself that you are in fact quite remarkable in many ways. You may not conquer every challenge, but each time you tackle something and overcome obstacles it provides another opportunity to reinforce and acknowledge positive aspects of yourself. And when you do overcome those challenges, resist the temptation to minimize the effort and strength it took to overcome them. For example, praise the perseverance it took to finally get that new job or the commitment it took to follow through and make that sale or stick to your exercise plan. Achieving is never an All-or-Nothing experience: you will make mistakes along the way and fall off the wagon from time to time. Those setbacks don’t define you, the character you show and develop along the way does.

 

2. Be wary of expectations. Once you have achieved a goal, it’s natural to automatically take it for granted and raise the bar. That’s a good thing! We are programmed to want more. Yet, make sure you “go for more” in a realistic way. It is more feasible to go from running a 5K race to a 10K race, instead of from a 5K race to a marathon. So, give yourself plenty of opportunities to succeed by making your goals realistic.

 

3. Acknowledge your successes. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back for what you have done –now and in the past. If you have not listed all the successes in your life to date, you will probably forget them. Stop and take stock once in a while. Recognize your past successes. Try something different and write them down. It’s called positive stacking. Just as we sometimes stack negatively and start focusing only on the negative, you can consciously direct your mind to focus on the long list of things you have accomplished that show your character. And don’t fall in the comparison trap. Being competitive can be a great motivator, but don’t let comparisons define your worth.

 

4. Stop the negative self-talk. Stand guard at the doorway of your mind, for what you let in is what you become! People who feel good about themselves, talk and think good about themselves. Watch out for negative thought patterns like jumping to negative conclusions about other people’s actions for instance and assuming they are judging you negatively (most of the time, their behavior is not about you!). Challenge your negative or flawed thinking. Just because you feel incompetent doesn’t mean that you are. Refrain from –even jokingly– putting yourself down; over time, you will start believing your self put-downs. When you realize you are engaging in negative self talk, systematically interrupting your pattern will pay off! And for goodness sake, stop saying, “I’m Sorry!

 

5. Master a skill, pastime, sport, or other life interest. Become good at something that you love and are interested in. Mastery of anything is a key ingredient in maintaining a high opinion of yourself. So master something, anything that makes you feel special!

 

6. Pay attention to the image your project. Although it may sound simplistic, by acting as if you have self-esteem, you are sending positive messages about your self-image to the subconscious. This is a form of self-respect and positive self talk that become who you are –just like habitual negative self talk became ingrained. So, don’t neglect the way you look and what you do with your body. Dress nicely, pay attention to your personal grooming, work out so you have some physical energy and pep. Be mindful of your physiology so that you walk, stand, and sit as if you felt sure of yourself. Smile. Act the part until it becomes habitual.

 

7. Focus on what you can control and influence, not what you can’t. Many things in life are out of our control and influence. However, focusing on what is within your control and influence allows you to feel more in control of your life. Always look to take positive action on what is within your control and influence and let go of the rest.

 

8. Develop a supportive social network. We all rise and fall to the level of our peer group. If you are not involved in a positive and non judgmental peer group, get a new one! Don’t be a stepping stone for someone else’s self-esteem. You don’t need to let yourself be made less of so that someone else can feel good about themselves. Surround yourself with a peer group that has the mindset, the values, and the interests that you do.

 

9. Help others. Stop thinking about yourself so much! Focus your mind outside of yourself. It is always worthwhile to make others aware of their worth. In fact, make it a habit to notice the positive in others so it becomes more natural to notice the positive traits in yourself. But more importantly, when you make a difference in someone else’s life, it is easy to feel great about yourself. Allow yourself the satisfaction that giving brings. And as a bonus, when they thank you for being part of their life, don’t be too quick to push it off or minimize it for the sake of humility. Accept their compliment as an extra affirmation of you with a simple, “Thank You!”

 

Whatever a person believes about themselves is true. Self-esteem is not something you are born with. It is a muscle that is built with time, consistency and conditioning! It takes time to integrate new practices into your life but eventually they become what you do, then show up in what you have, and eventually they become your identity as who you are.

 

This article was first published on http://ezinearticles.com/?9-Quick-Tips-To-Boost-Your-Self-Esteem&id=6544585, and shared here because it’s awesome. For more tips and strategies about increasing your self-esteem, confidence, motivation and personal effectiveness, go to http://www.evolutionforsuccess.com. James Murphy is a personal development expert as well as an executive and life coach. He can be reached directly at 919-745-7569.

As Featured On EzineArticles

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